I'd like to welcome you to EAS and let you know that holiday weekends are very quiet on these forums, so there may not be many responses to your post.
I am happy you have been lurking and absorbing the knowledge offered here re. affairs and how to best end them. Because you have so many years of history with your AP, it will be more difficult to pull the plug. I work with my Xmm and knew him for 10 years before we crossed the line, so I totally understand what you are feeling right now. Losing the friendship part is going to cause a huge void in your life, but it won't feel that way forever. You will learn to replenish it as you go through your ending journey. Once we've messed up a friendship by developing romantic feelings for someone, the ONLY way to unring that bell is to break completely away so our hearts can heal. I believe you already understand this, but that isn't going to make it any easier...at least not for a while.
<<< If I make it clear this time that I do not want him to contact me AT ALL and that my ability to get past these feelings depends on him respecting that, I think he will honor my wishes and leave me alone.
Welcome. We are great bunch. We are pretty amazing. We are a re board of healers. U are in the best possible place to end an A and work thru your feelings.
NO ONE is cut out for this. I do not care how much they fool themselves into thinking you can do this and not erode your soul is beyond me. We all fall. We all just about die on a regular basis. Our hearts go thru a horrible roller coaster of highs and lows.
Iddy is right about you doing well. Thanks for coming out of lurkdom. Read everything here.If you have att as your phone service you can block easily. I know that for sure. Do not just run a different route, run away from this A. N stay away.
Break the phone addiction...srart by leaving it at bits at a time, I would leave mine on silent when I first started NC. I just blocked soon after. If you are going on a quick trip to the store, leave your phone at home or in the car. N do not take it personally if they do not call or txt. We have found that men handle this a lot better than us. You may obsess over whether he is thinking of you...did he every care...all those questions will come your way...the answers do not really matter. You are done now. and there is no closure and nothing that matters now except you.
Friendship was over when you crossed the line. Sorry, that stings. But it is true. That is the price we pay in the A game. No friendship after an A is possible. So do not get lured into that.
We are not special. We are not special. Nothing about your relationship was special. We never are. We are available. Others are too. N they usually find another one once they realize they can not come at you anymore and that hurts too. I hope you do not have to go thru this...u will never know if you remain NC...and that is the safest place for your heart. Come here and hang out with us gals. We are a fun and ardent bunch. But we have never let anyone down. We may not say what you want to hear but you will see how we are usually right on.
I am a newbie here but I just wanted to say hello and give you my support as you go through this. You've already taken some extraordinary steps to heal and now, like the other ladies, suggested, you just need to take the final step...of NO CONTACT. I agree...that's the best way to TAKE your dignity back. Do you see what I typed there? "TAKE" your dignity...you are ACTIVELY taking your life back, taking your happiness back, taking your peace back...not passively waiting for it to happen or relying on someone else to do it for you.
JJ,
I'd like to welcome you to EAS and let you know that holiday weekends are very quiet on these forums, so there may not be many responses to your post.
I am happy you have been lurking and absorbing the knowledge offered here re. affairs and how to best end them. Because you have so many years of history with your AP, it will be more difficult to pull the plug. I work with my Xmm and knew him for 10 years before we crossed the line, so I totally understand what you are feeling right now. Losing the friendship part is going to cause a huge void in your life, but it won't feel that way forever. You will learn to replenish it as you go through your ending journey. Once we've messed up a friendship by developing romantic feelings for someone, the ONLY way to unring that bell is to break completely away so our hearts can heal. I believe you already understand this, but that isn't going to make it any easier...at least not for a while.
<<< If I make it clear this time that I do not want him to contact me AT ALL and that my ability to get past these feelings depends on him respecting that, I think he will honor my wishes and leave me alone.
~Iddy~
Hello,
Welcome. We are great bunch. We are pretty amazing. We are a re board of healers. U are in the best possible place to end an A and work thru your feelings.
NO ONE is cut out for this. I do not care how much they fool themselves into thinking you can do this and not erode your soul is beyond me. We all fall. We all just about die on a regular basis. Our hearts go thru a horrible roller coaster of highs and lows.
Iddy is right about you doing well. Thanks for coming out of lurkdom. Read everything here.If you have att as your phone service you can block easily. I know that for sure. Do not just run a different route, run away from this A. N stay away.
Break the phone addiction...srart by leaving it at bits at a time, I would leave mine on silent when I first started NC. I just blocked soon after. If you are going on a quick trip to the store, leave your phone at home or in the car. N do not take it personally if they do not call or txt. We have found that men handle this a lot better than us. You may obsess over whether he is thinking of you...did he every care...all those questions will come your way...the answers do not really matter. You are done now. and there is no closure and nothing that matters now except you.
Friendship was over when you crossed the line. Sorry, that stings. But it is true. That is the price we pay in the A game. No friendship after an A is possible. So do not get lured into that.
We are not special. We are not special. Nothing about your relationship was special. We never are. We are available. Others are too. N they usually find another one once they realize they can not come at you anymore and that hurts too. I hope you do not have to go thru this...u will never know if you remain NC...and that is the safest place for your heart. Come here and hang out with us gals. We are a fun and ardent bunch. But we have never let anyone down. We may not say what you want to hear but you will see how we are usually right on.
Hang in there. Read, read and read.
Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
Hi JJ and welcome out of lurkdome!
Like you, I read a lot before I was able to work up the courage and post here on EAS.
JJ,
I am a newbie here but I just wanted to say hello and give you my support as you go through this. You've already taken some extraordinary steps to heal and now, like the other ladies, suggested, you just need to take the final step...of NO CONTACT. I agree...that's the best way to TAKE your dignity back. Do you see what I typed there? "TAKE" your dignity...you are ACTIVELY taking your life back, taking your happiness back, taking your peace back...not passively waiting for it to happen or relying on someone else to do it for you.
You can do this. We're here for you.
TigerEyes