Getting real
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| Fri, 12-31-2010 - 1:43am |
I'm getting there ladies...slowly.
Today I decided to put an end to the back and forth business and all the breaking of NC and what I now see as the pseudo end and just deleted him from my phone and blocked his number.Whew. Big step for me.
I'm not sure why I waited so long but it probably has something to do with fear. Fear of...losing something? I don't have anything now with him anyway and I never had anything real with him to begin with so there was nothing to lose. I only stand to gain now... my dignity back, my integrity back and my freedom and liberty from wondering if the next message is from him.
I was pretty astonished by my last conversation with him the other night when he called -- how on the surface he was and how he named W's name several times and how non chalant he was about talking about weather and Christmas. He talked so much and yet said NOTHING. It pissed me off. I thought to myself, "this is really what you want to say to me after everything and all my heartache?" and it dawned on me that yes, this is what he wants to say and this is what it is now. Well I say F that. OK? He is cruel to talk about his W to me when he knows I am in love with him. I bared my soul to him and he has not. He has been anything but candid and genuine.
To help, I keep reminding myself that when one door closes (or in this case I slammed the damn door shut) another opens. I do believe that!
Also for the first time in years, I have written out my goals for the new year. The first goal on my list is to TAKE CARE OF ME. I have several subpoints that will support this goal, one of which is to rid of toxic relationships. ah:smileyhappy:. It felt so good to write that list!
So I'm getting there ladiies. I know I have a ways to go to where many of you are but I will eventually.

Sunshine,
How proud I am of you for blocking JAM's cell phone # after deleting it. This IS a HUGE step and so timely, IMO. What better way to start off the New Year, honey. I understand the fear part of thinking we are losing something when we shut them out, but in truth, we had already lost the most important parts of ourselves
Good for you on deleting and blocking, it helps so much to cut all ways of communicating off:) You are on your way to getting there with getting rid of the toxic and taking care of you. I really liked how you set goals for yourself that is an excellant step. Have an awsome New Years sunshine:)
Sunshine,
What a wonderful way to start the New Year! I think everyone here should take note and ENSURE ALL avenues of contact are blocked tonight. Stay away from cell phones & email.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE fellow posters - DO NOT tempt yourself with texting/emailing/calling tonight. DO NOT respond to what will be nothing more than a drunk message about how much they "miss" you right after they kissed their spouse happy new year. YUCK. Pathetic and soooooo freaking cliche.
Sunshine, you rock!
TU.
Thanks! And today, I'm writing my "no more" list on that post in the healing library and will put up signs on my bedroom wall to remind me that I deserve better.