Getting Weak....
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| Fri, 04-09-2004 - 6:54am |
I'm trying to make a life change. I've had 2 failed marriages, and this A that lasted for most of my adult life. In all of these relationships I never demanded to be treated with love, respect, and kindness. Basically I took whatever BS they handed out. Thing is, I should have never had a relationship with any of these men. They were just not what I wanted in a mate........BUT!!! I settled!!! Setteled for the least they had to offer. Settling, became the way I handled my life. I settled for what was easy at that time, the quick fix.....which ultimately lead to much unhappiness.
Through many years of pain and unhappiness, I have realized that I have to change the way I teach people to treat me. I've got to think more of "me". To feel that I deserve the very best a person has to offer. Because I give the very best of myself, why should I accept less from someone. I finally get it.
XMM, keeps leaving voice messages for me. It's killing me not to call him. I want to go back to what is familiar and comfortable......settling for the very least XMM has to give. Not giving in to this strong urge to go back to XMM is the hardest thing I have ever done. There are times like NOW!!! that I feel my chest is just going to cave in from the pressure. I know that my desire for a happier life, MUST BE greater than my desire to settle for less. I want to call him sooooo bad. I don't think I can go through this weekend without calling him. I want him soooo bad. I don't want to undo all the good I've done. If I'm not strong, XMM will always think I'll accept his crumbs.
I'm so weak right now.

I've been divorced for 5 years and have been having this A for a little over a year. We were doing really well for the last 3 months and slipped up not to long ago. I'm just so sick of myself choosing men who can't love me....when all I want to do is be loved! Why do I settle for being a piece of ass??!! I guess cuz it's better than nothing. But, this hellhole ISN"'T!!!!!
Stay Strong SL....we're all here to help each other! I'm awake right now b/c I can't stop thinking about him:( I'd much rather be sleeping....the only time I'm NOT thinking about him...
lost again
I have this little book I keep here at work. Kind of corny... but today's Daily Affirmation reads:
"TODAY I BID GOODBYE TO THE PAST"
I take advantage of this day to free myself from the bondage of unhealthy patterns I have learned. I release the past, knowing that its events and experiences have served the purpose, even at the most difficult moments. I dwell in the present. I cannot escape the past, but I do not carry it with me as I move on. I do not let old habits and emotions from the past color my life today.
Today I will not dwell on the past. I free myself to face this new day with a positive attitude and constructive thoughts. The past is over, the now is new, fresh and limitless. I welcome it with joyous expectancy.
Your Resident Cheerleader
Perhaps it is the fantasy that you created with XMM that you really want back, a fantasy were you are happy and respected.
Now Xmm is showing total disrespect my bothering you with his calls, he is trieng to impose his will on you by playing with your emotions like this, DON'T GIVE IN you don't deserve to be treated like his property.
Respect your self and say NO to this abuser.
F