Give me strength

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2004
Give me strength
3
Wed, 03-10-2004 - 8:08am
I just don't get it. Why am I still torturing myself? I know it's over, but I can't get it out of my head. I've turned into the "woman scorned" and I feel myself having these nasty feelings about men and relationships. Yuck! I hear songs on the radio that are a constant reminder of what we had and where we were. I felt like "White Flag" was my own personal theme song for a while. I don't find myself in hysterics any more, but I still get a horrible wave of sadness from time to time. Yesterday was a whole day of NC. Monday would've been too, but I was stupid and called to ask for a website (which he couldn't even remember). We didn't talk about anything else, but the fact that I called makes me mad. And I still want the website. I hate that they're my neighbors because I know things I don't want to know. (Like the fact that they both called off work yesterday and he just got a promotion and can't afford to screw up while on probation.) This whole NC thing might work if he wasn't right there under my nose all the time. You know, out of sight, out of mind. *sigh* I really want to get on with my life. I'm almost done with school. I have a really supportive network that I failed to see because I was too busy focusing on him. I just have to pull myself together. On the surface, it was easy for him to dispose of me. Why can't I be that emotionless?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2003
Wed, 03-10-2004 - 9:13am
"This whole NC thing might work if he wasn't right there under my nose all the time. You know, out of sight, out of mind. *sigh* I really want to get on with my life. I'm almost done with school. I have a really supportive network that I failed to see because I was too busy focusing on him. I just have to pull myself together. On the surface, it was easy for him to dispose of me. Why can't I be that emotionless?"

Ontheblink,

Hugs to you. I don't see my OM, haven't since November, and NC is still very hard for me, so don't beat yourself up about that. Maybe it would be easier for you, but maybe not. Just get on with your life, you can if you really want to. I've been going back and forth breaking NC and I'm having a hard time getting on with my life even though there is so much happening in it right now. NC is the only way to go. Use your supportive network now, it's never too late to know that you made a mistake. This network would probably be best served for you now anyway. It does seem it is so easy for them to dispose, but is it really, you don't know for sure. I just tell myself that he is missing me, who cares if it's right or not, it makes me feel better. Positive thinking! You can't be that emotionless because you are a woman. It's how we are. This world would be more of a crazy messed up place if it wasn't for us. Be strong, know that you are not alone, and really try the NC. C




iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2004
Wed, 03-10-2004 - 11:21am
Been there, done that. From experience, just know that each day will get easier, and if it helps, write down on paper all his horrible nasty traits. And also, laugh at the girl he's with now. I mean, if he was a dawg to you, won't he be a dawg to her? I THINK SO!!!The guy I was having an affair with is engaged and I laugh wehn people tell me they are still planning their wedding on May 15. How solid can that relationship be if he was involved with me up until a few days ago? HA HA HA HA HA !! Laugh, because you don't have to deal with him anymore!! LIVE IN THE TRUTH!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2003
Wed, 03-10-2004 - 5:35pm
jlt242, I hear you sister! My xOM was wanting me to meet up with him just a few weeks ago, then last week he tells me he can't risk losing his girlfriend, who may someday be his wife but for now they are just best friends. And he tells me he never lies to himself, riiggghhhtttt. At least I admit I was lying when in the A. It is no good to not live in the truth, it just doesn't work.