Give me the tough love, please!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2010
Give me the tough love, please!
18
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 4:58pm

So, those of you familiar with my story, know that I have to maintain LC (very LC) because xap and I work together every quarter. Today, I am NC/LC 41 days and I could not be prouder. I've been doing very well. I "get" it. A flip has been switched in my brain.

Today, I had to send him a note about one of our projects. It was all business per usual. His response came back - and it was all business per usual too. It was short. And to the point. If it had been from anyone else, I would not have thought twice about it. But, before I knew what was happening, tears were streaming down my face. God, how pathetic am I. I feel so overwhelmed right now. I do know that these moments pass, but this is one of those moments for me, and in it, well you know- it just feels awful. Please, give me some tough love, or a hug if you prefer. I do know that I will be ok, but right now, I feel just awful.

Jane

Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 5:22pm

Dear Jane,

Nothing but a hug coming from me. I think what you experienced today was completely normal. We spend a lot of energy trying to make it through each and every day - sometimes we just get caught off guard. For me today, it was walking into our office after 7days NC and just smelling 'our' space. It took my breath away. We just have to greet these hard moments, and then send them on their way. I am going for a nice long run with my running partner in the hopes that it will help the lingering ache subside.

You're doing amazing Jane. At the end of the day, we are only human.

Love J.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2009
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 5:25pm

You don't need tough love.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2009
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 5:38pm

((Hugs))

I feel all achy today too. He came fishing yesterday at work, and I had to pretend I couldn't care less, and now sit here all teary-eyed. I am so envious of those who can go NC and never see or hear from them. I know I should be grateful that at least I don't have to see him every day, only couple times a week, but it is still so hard:(

XOXO
Gone

**Bloodied but unbowed**
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2009
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 6:00pm
I have not posted in a while, but today I read your post and just wanted to reach out to you. I had an A with my boss and still work with him, so I do totally get it how you are feeling to get a stiff response after having had so many "special moments" in the past. But please do not let this upset you. I'm sure it wasn't easy for your XMM either and he was just doing what he felt was best for the both of you and he is right. By giving you a short and to the point answer he is showing you respect and giving you space to heal. Just think, had he responded with anything personal, would that have made you feel any better? Chances are it will only box you inside the fog further. Yes you will be ok and his aloofness will help you move on and let go and heal. I admire you for showing restraint and not calling him out on his aloofness (as many of us still thick in the fog would have done) but instead you showed grace and dignity by not letting him see how upset he made you feel. You did real good and I am rooting for you to continue to conduct yourself with pride and he is just JAM - not worth the tears :):) Take care and fake it till you make it !!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2010
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 6:27pm

Jane,

Its ok....we have those. hell i have had some as of late, but as another poster said, we eventually greet em and watch them pass. You are entitled to feel, we all are. So do not be hard on yourself. Sometimes the magnitude of it all just hits us...and we do not see it coming. We are hit....n can not brace ourselves.

If anything, you ladies/gents in LC are my heroes/heroines!! You get the point....I thank the moon and the stars above that I do not have to see MM on a regular or limited basis....U guys do what I think is the tough stuff...It all is. Don't get me wrong, do not want anyone coming at me on LC vs NC...just saying, the fact you made it this far is a accomplishment. You have handled things with grace and that is all you can do. These moments will pass and will come far and few between.

Hang in there. Dry your eyes and give yourself a pat on the back and then keep it movin for tomorrow. Hope its a new better day for you.

Luvin

Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2010
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 8:40pm

Thank you all for your responses. This afternoon was rough, but I came home to a wonderful meal cooked by my amazing DH and it all seemed to melt away. Coming here and reading all the hugs means so much. How can people I've never met touch me in such a meaningful way? Thank you! If I had not found this board at the exact moment I hit rock bottom, I would not be standing here on the other side of the A- 41 days out. I come here everyday and feel so a part of this community. Thank you all for sharing your stories, for sharing your support, and for being so strong. We can all do this.

Jane

Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2010
Thu, 03-11-2010 - 9:58am

Jane -


Sending you a ((hug))! Sounds like that was a rough day for you. But like the others, so proud of you!


I can't imagine having to work with XAP, how very hard that has to be. But, you are doing amazing, and it goes to show just how strong you really are.


Thinking of you and I hope today is a good day for you..and you have a smile on your face :)


RG

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Thu, 03-11-2010 - 10:14am

A big ((HUG)) to you. I think it's quite alright to feel sad and to cry for a little bit. I think it helps. Then you wipe away the tears and keep moving forward, sweetie. I hope today is better for you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Thu, 03-11-2010 - 10:15am

(((Jane)))


41 days is HUGE! There are so many of you gals coming and going that I apologize if I lose track of your progress,

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2009
Thu, 03-11-2010 - 11:10am

Jane,


I'm sorry I didn't get to your message yesterday to respond.

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