Giving more than you ever got back...

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Giving more than you ever got back...
19
Mon, 12-14-2009 - 10:32am

Dear Enders,


I was reading the posts this morning and saw a pattern that I think we need to address. Caribu wrote: "why should I feel sad, he

   ~Iddy~ 


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2005
Mon, 12-14-2009 - 6:57pm
your not alone on that one and...i got a unwanted pregnancy too.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2008
Mon, 12-14-2009 - 7:54pm
Absolutely!!! You are so right. I am the giver...I give and I give and I give. I am the one who would bring him lunch, snacks, tell him how much I miss him!! And do you think HE would text me and tell ME that he misses me?? No..he only thinks about me when someone else fails to bring him his food! Yes, sometimes I feel used and stupid for putting my heart out there. I even came on to him when we found ourselves alone in a room. He let me and just lied there with a smile on his face while I did all the work!! How pathetic is that?? By the way, we have never been physical so this day was a big eye opener for me. I think he would have let me do anything to him but HE wasn't giving back. I guess so he can say HE never had an affair and HE never did anything wrong. It is all ME. Why do I accept the little crumbs he gives me while his psycho wife gets the best of him??? I am better than that!! Thanks for making me think about this. You just opened up a can of worms..but it is all good. Those worms needed to crawl their way out. Today is the day.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2008
Mon, 12-14-2009 - 8:29pm

Ill admit, Ive been on both sides here. My 1st A, I was the taker...the more he gave the more I took because why not? I felt I deserved it all...the material things, the love, the attention. He proved over and over to me that he truely loved me. I ended the A because after awhile the guilt of what I was doing to him just got to me; I did care for him but he always loved me more than what I could have ever possible given. That A was all about me and my selfish needs and he got hurt.


Then karma came around with my last A and I was the one who kept on giving and proving my love over and over again. He could do whatever

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2009
Mon, 12-14-2009 - 10:49pm

All I can say is Oh my God - yes.

The reasoning being, I guess, was that the more nice things I did and said, the sooner he'd have this epiphany and realise I was The One.

Pfft. *rolls eyes*

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2009
Mon, 12-14-2009 - 10:57pm
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Edited 1/3/2010 3:13 pm ET by classy01
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2009
Tue, 12-15-2009 - 4:52am

In the beginning of the A, we were both givers. But that didn't last.
Pretty soon I became the only giver and he took all he could get.
All my "I love you's" and "I miss you's".
I listened to him for hours when he had medical problems.
As soon as he got out of the hospital, I was there with fruit baskets and cards.
I never once forgot his birthday. Of course he did. And when I reminded him "it's my birthday today", he apologized grinning. But do you think he came by in the afternoon? No it was more important for him to surf the internet that day.

Well I am done with it. No one is going to get a piece of me unless he gives at least as much as I am giving. (and no I am not talking about presents!)

Unfortunately it still feels as if the xAP has my heart :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2007
Tue, 12-15-2009 - 10:29am

Iddy, thanks for asking this. This question has to make every AP pause and think about their situation. Of course, if you are still truly fogged in, you won't be able to answer this truthfully. I love the "the person who loves the least has the most power". That says it all. Sadly, it's a game of cat and mouse.


In the first year or so of my affair, we both gave quite a bit, but I really took top billing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2009
Tue, 12-15-2009 - 10:42am

Thanks bandk, your reply has helped me this morning.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2009
Tue, 12-15-2009 - 3:13pm

Yes count me in....

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