Awwwwwww, New you made my day. Such a good memory and considering that I am only on EAS right now because I forgot what I really got on the computer to do, I am very impressed.
Yes, you are right. Today marks day 90 of ZERO contact with XMM and I couldnt have done it without all of you here. I came here in November and read all that I could but I still waited till May to go NC. You guys led me to water but I didnt drink till I had enough.....enough pain and drama and I couldnt take anymore.
NC works. Our A's are an addiction and we have to completly remove the addiction from our lives, there is no other way. I find now that I see the difference between getting over XMM and getting over the A. You may think they are one in the same but to me, they are different. I did deeply care for XMM but he is someone that I never would have dated in RL. Not my type at all. Getting over my feelings for him was much easier than I thought. I cared for him but when I saw his true colors, it was an eye opener.
But as for the A??? Much harder for me to get over. I betrayed my H and I have to live with that every single day and sometimes I ask myself what was so lacking in myself and my life that I thought an A would help??? I stole from my children...moments Ill never get back, hurried through homework so I could email XMM, rushed through dinner (if I even bothered to make one) so I could check and see if he emailed me. I rushed through phone calls with my mom, my mond was always somewhere else and never where it should have been. My work suffered, my co workers took notice and so did my boss, I was texting ALL THE TIME at work. The A touched every single aspect of my life and unfortunately left its fingerprint behind. Its been very hard moving past the havoc I created during those 16 mths.
But let me tell you...I NEVER want to be that woman that I was in the Fall of 2008. She felt entitled and worthy of having someone fawn all over her, make her feel special and loved. I despise that woman today and I never want to ever be her again. Ive done nothing over the past 3 months but try and become a better person, better wife, mother, daughter, friend and employee and I promise to continue to work on that.
The life sentance for me may be never being able to let my guard down
You're AMAZING GMLB. I have so enjoyed your posts (-:
You have worked the 'program' hard and it is amazing to read this post from you today. The growth is so impressive. I continue to learn from you and from how you view 'recovery'. There is such a difference, isn't there? Between getting over xAP and the affair. I hadn't really thought about it - even though I knew from almost the get go that he and I would NEVER make it in RL - it was the addiction to the affair highs that was hard to let go of. That's what I crave - not Him. "He" never existed.
My best to you ... I love the sound of your wings flapping.
Soar my friend,
TU.
LC/NC since April 14, 2010
"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." — Maya Angelou
It is indeed your lucky day. Just in, fresh off the Tweener Wing assembly line are your wings and may I say, they are quite stunning for a very special ender.
GMLB, You have a special place in my heart. You responded to my very first post. You and I ended about the same time and we had a lot in common. I cannot think of a more desirable person to have on Tweener Island than my GMLB! Finally! I am so happy that you've reached this milestone and I congratulate you with the highest praise and sincerity!
Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.
Pages
Awwwwwww, New you made my day. Such a good memory and considering that I am only on EAS right now because I forgot what I really got on the computer to do, I am very impressed.
Yes, you are right. Today marks day 90 of ZERO contact with XMM and I couldnt have done it without all of you here. I came here in November and read all that I could but I still waited till May to go NC. You guys led me to water but I didnt drink till I had enough.....enough pain and drama and I couldnt take anymore.
NC works. Our A's are an addiction and we have to completly remove the addiction from our lives, there is no other way. I find now that I see the difference between getting over XMM and getting over the A. You may think they are one in the same but to me, they are different. I did deeply care for XMM but he is someone that I never would have dated in RL. Not my type at all. Getting over my feelings for him was much easier than I thought. I cared for him but when I saw his true colors, it was an eye opener.
But as for the A??? Much harder for me to get over. I betrayed my H and I have to live with that every single day and sometimes I ask myself what was so lacking in myself and my life that I thought an A would help??? I stole from my children...moments Ill never get back, hurried through homework so I could email XMM, rushed through dinner (if I even bothered to make one) so I could check and see if he emailed me. I rushed through phone calls with my mom, my mond was always somewhere else and never where it should have been. My work suffered, my co workers took notice and so did my boss, I was texting ALL THE TIME at work. The A touched every single aspect of my life and unfortunately left its fingerprint behind. Its been very hard moving past the havoc I created during those 16 mths.
But let me tell you...I NEVER want to be that woman that I was in the Fall of 2008. She felt entitled and worthy of having someone fawn all over her, make her feel special and loved. I despise that woman today and I never want to ever be her again. Ive done nothing over the past 3 months but try and become a better person, better wife, mother, daughter, friend and employee and I promise to continue to work on that.
The life sentance for me may be never being able to let my guard down
Did you hear that!?
"CLING"
That is me raising my bottle and toasting to you!
You're AMAZING GMLB. I have so enjoyed your posts (-:
You have worked the 'program' hard and it is amazing to read this post from you today. The growth is so impressive. I continue to learn from you and from how you view 'recovery'. There is such a difference, isn't there? Between getting over xAP and the affair. I hadn't really thought about it - even though I knew from almost the get go that he and I would NEVER make it in RL - it was the addiction to the affair highs that was hard to let go of. That's what I crave - not Him. "He" never existed.
My best to you ... I love the sound of your wings flapping.
Soar my friend,
TU.
LC/NC since April 14, 2010
"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
GMLB,
It is indeed your lucky day. Just in, fresh off the Tweener Wing assembly line are your wings and may I say, they are quite stunning for a very special ender.
~Iddy~
GMLB,
You have a special place in my heart. You responded to my very first post. You and I ended about the same time and we had a lot in common. I cannot think of a more desirable person to have on Tweener Island than my GMLB! Finally! I am so happy that you've reached this milestone and I congratulate you with the highest praise and sincerity!
Busting with pride,
Dee
*clink, clink*
Congratulations GMLB :) I'm so happy for you!
Bodhi
A big HIGH FIVE to you, GMLB!
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
Many Congrats GMLB, awesome effort, especially considering the stress of a couple of weeks ago.....
Your Tweener acceptance speech was great,
Stay happy NC x
No Cheating, No Compromise, No Contact!
NC since
New Choices, New Chapter,
New Challenges,
(((Clunk)))
That’s my tub-o-coffee hitting your Samuel Adams!
I know two angles Hark and Harold. Now I officially know a third!
Congrats!
Iddy,
Those wings should come with a screen brightness adjustment warning.
Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.
Pages