Go back to lurking, pls. GRRRRR!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Go back to lurking, pls. GRRRRR!
45
Tue, 03-16-2010 - 12:52pm

Alrighty, Girls.
I'm off my meds, so brace up.

This is an ENDING board. Not an I'm-thinking-about-ending board.
You've been lurking for, um, _how_ long??? I've said this over and over....THERE IS NOTHING NEW UNDER THE SUN! What the heck are you doing while lurking; are you actually _reading_ the posts? Or are you just staring blankly at the gd monitor??? Go back one year, two years, three years.... over and over, the same stories, the same advice. Ok, so we all do it... we all get on this board and for the most part our first post is "how do I end this" cry, whine, confusion and despair abound! BUT, the second, third, fourth posts are NOT still "how do I end this?" and they are not supposed to be "I slipped, slipped, fell, slipped, and went back to the A." woe is me, why do I keep doing this..... and so on and so forth.

I am getting a little, ok, A LOT, irritated that lately I cannot come to my support board for uplifting and encouraging post. If y'all are not going to get on the stick and begin to get your shiz together, then go back to MAS or wherever. You girls KNOW what you have to do to be a part of this board, to begin to heal, to get your lives back on track --- SO DO IT! or, kindly, stop wasting everyone's time. This board has all the tools and support a person needs to end their A, but if this board is NOT helping you for some reason, why be on it?

I know I'm supposed to just ignore the posts that don't resonate with me -- I know I'm supposed to offer only loving encouragement --- Well, I'm stuck! I find only 1 out of 10 posts that resonate with me, and the only loving encouragement I can muster is to KICK SOME BUTT. If I had the patience of an angel on valium, like Iddy and the Vets, I'd probably keep my mouth shut. But, I've been here only four months and I've NEVER been good at filtering. I'm the loudmouth of the group; sorry if it offends, but I'm going to stand behind this rant because I think it's worth saying and my motivation is coming from the right place: I want healing for everyone on this board - I want the new-enders to get what they need to move forward.

sigh. I'm done.
Dee

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2009
Wed, 03-17-2010 - 9:22am

I really don't think that this is a friendly post, Deeulta. (post number one in this thread) Sorry to say so, but it sounds very unfriendly. "Go back to lurking" does NOT sound very kind. It probably took a long time for the newbies to find the courage to come out of lurkdom and now you want to send them back?!?!? Because you have made more progress so far than they ?

Everyone deserves to speak or "whine" or whatever you want to call it.

And even though someone doesn't agree with what the girls on MAS are doing, I think it's very disrespectful to say "go back to MAS or wherever".

The girls on MAS are not the scum of the earth. They are PEOPLE just like you and me. People who are making some very wrong decisions, but haven't we all?

JMHO

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Wed, 03-17-2010 - 9:49am

htgo,
You're right. It was not a very friendly post. It was a very irritated post, the first one from me. The title was incendiary and badly done. And apologize that it was not worded more carefully - or that I posted it at all. I do not want to send any lurkers/new posters away who are here for the same reasons we are and I thought I made that clear(er) in my later posts, but if I did not, I will again say it. And I did not insult the women of MAS or pass any judgment on them; I was saying that if one is actively in an A and not ending it, that is where one should be, not here. I've also never touted my mere 4 months out of my A over anyone else's progress, and have freely admitted to major whining, slip ups and such... and been supportive of all enders who are going through the same.

Again, I apologize to you for any offense, to Iddy and the board - all lurkers and new posters,especially, that I posted this and I hope that you will all forgive me and know that it was not my intention to discourage anyone from coming here for support.

Dee

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2009
Wed, 03-17-2010 - 9:54am

Hey Deeulta,

Sure , all is forgiven and forgotten. Maybe it's best if someone changes the title of this thread because it might scare people away?

hugs
HTGO

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Wed, 03-17-2010 - 10:53am
I just wanted to say, that I think it is all a matter of interpretation based on where one is at on their own healing journey, and where one has come from. We are all rooted in different histories, personal life experiences & have different resources and resiliency to negotiate our ways out of an A. Therefore we're all going to respond differently at different points in time, to what is posted here - I totally appreciated Dee's frustration - and could hear it and hold it, but maybe that's because I need tough tough love, frank reminders of the consequences to myself and others of my actions. I think we are looking for 'one size fits all approaches/posts' to very complex and nuanced issues.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2008
Wed, 03-17-2010 - 11:06am
This board got me through bad times 4 years ago. Yes we all do make the NC mistake here but I never felt like I didn't belong. I am sure the "lurkers" are just looking for that push to leave their A. Baby steps:)
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2008
Wed, 03-17-2010 - 11:25am

I would add this...none of this is easy business..addiction is messy and causes lots of turmoil. To those that are new and feeling "fragile" I would say that even now for myself, at almost 3 months of out the A, that I still feel incredibly fragile. Our defenses are up, our tolerance is lowered and no matter how you slice it, it hurts.

Love and Peace to all in this~

LL

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2009
Wed, 03-17-2010 - 2:24pm

Hi everyone.


I "lurked" on this board for awhile and even posted once because I was desperately looking for answers and encouragement to end my A. I was a little bit discouraged when told it was a board for those who had ENDED their affair. I feel the title of the board is misleading. There is a board title "AFTER THE AFFAIR", and I mistook the "ENDING AN AFFAIR' board to be one that offered hope and advice to those looking to end their affair. I really think that there does need to be a support system for those who are looking or wanting to end an affair that they are in. It is hard to take that first step......very hard. Reading posts on this board did help clarify to me that my affair needed to end, however, I felt unwelcome to post and ask for advice on HOW to end it. I respect this board and what it is about, and am very happy to say I am now able to be a real poster because I did find the courage and strength to do the hardest thing in my life.....end an affair with someone I love. I am going to post my story on a new thread, but just wanted to share my opinion on this topic.


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Fri, 03-19-2010 - 2:59pm

Sometimes we blow off steam and then learn later how it sounded.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2009
Fri, 03-19-2010 - 4:52pm

Buddy:


I'm chiming in a bit late here, but I want to offer you big hugs.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2008
Fri, 03-19-2010 - 9:49pm

dear kmg6,


thank you so much for your support and encouragement.