Goals

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004
Goals
6
Thu, 03-25-2004 - 7:30pm
In the spirit of Tony Robbins (the "transform your life!" guy), and inspired by some of the women on this board, I've decided that instead of just muddling through this every day, waiting to feel all better, I'm going to set specific goals. I figure sharing a goal here will help to motivate me to achieve it. So, while I have lots of little goals each day, here is my biggie: No Contact until October 25, his 40th birthday, at which time I will be over him, at least enough to say "Have a great birthday" and leave it at that... That's a l-o-n-g time, but at least it's a finite ending to NC instead of the indefinite looming future; seems more manageable that way. Maybe it won't happen that way, but at least it's something to strive for...

Anyone else want to share a goal?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004
In reply to: maybekatie
Thu, 03-25-2004 - 9:35pm
My goal is to have nc through March 30!! One baby step at at time! My ultimate goal is to say "no" to him when he comes running back....no date set...just a good firm "NO".
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2003
In reply to: maybekatie
Fri, 03-26-2004 - 11:38am
Here are my goals:

1) to continue to start and end each day with this prayer: God, please help remove this man from my mind, heart and soul.

2) to stop wanting an email to come through from him. It's hard for me to remember that i used to use email just like normal people not in As!

3) to stop wondering if he has called (he often calls my office line and doesn't leave a message). So whenever that happens (it may be him or a telemarketer) i always think he has called. No more of that!

4) to stop looking at license plate numbers to see if that is his car. He drives a very popular car--there must be 1,000s of them in my area. I always find myself looking at all these plates to see if it is him. No more!

5) to only communicate with him if i MUST--regarding the work i do for him for his non profit we are both involved with.

6) to stop asking myself: is he thinking of me? Yeeck!

7) to put more energy in my house (everything in my house started stacking up after Easter last year, as that is when our A began. I still have Easter Bunny books out that i have yet to put away. Guess i won't need to now as Easter is here once again!

8) to resume knitting again. I used to knit every night, but after A started, i picked up smoking again (after 10 years) so i could sit outside, smoke cigarettes with a glass of wine and think, think, think about him.

9) to stop smoking after i come home from Paris on July 3.

10) to just accept this A for what it was and what it wasn't and to rejoice in all that i have learned about myself.

xoxox

Clarice

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2004
In reply to: maybekatie
Fri, 03-26-2004 - 5:19pm
I knit, too, and have just started it again. (I think I kind of OD'd on it and needed a break.) It's feeling wonderfully therapeutic. I've been knitting socks because they're quick and always turn out just like they're supposed to. Haven't been able to commit to any bigger projects because life has seemed so overwhelming (unstable affair, then the affair ending, and getting laid off from work all at the same time.)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2004
In reply to: maybekatie
Sun, 03-28-2004 - 7:30pm
Knitting is definatly theripudic... all ur thinking about at the time is about the end result of ur project. i guess it explains alot about when women in the old times knitted so much.

my goal is to forgive myself. i have to understand i am not perfect. It says in the bible when God created earth he said very good, not perfect. i cant expect to be perfect all the time. mistakes are things that help remind us theres room for improvement.

im trying to improve my relationships and communication

maybe knitting will help me too ;)

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2003
In reply to: maybekatie
Mon, 03-29-2004 - 12:00pm
i found knitting too contemplative. but i am trying to go back to it. i miss it and some of the other things i used to do, but they are starting to come back to me, as i obsess less and less on XMM.

Clarice

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2004
In reply to: maybekatie
Mon, 03-29-2004 - 2:44pm
I've been reading a book called "Loving Him without Losing You." The book talks about "disappearing women"....women who give up themselves or their hobbies and friends when in a relationship. The sad thing is that even the most "healthy" women do this to a certain extent...give up time at the gym to spend time with their new boyfriend, cancel dinner with the girls if your new boyfriend calls at the last minute, etc. I was talking to a girlfriend of mine the other day and she said that what she does with her spare time (biking, skiing, or whatever) depends a lot on who she's seeing at the time and what his hobbies are.

In a way this is one of the best thing about women...they are flexible and understand the importance of making compromises in order to spend time with the people they love. The sad thing is that when the relationship is over, there's nothing really for the woman to go back to. She doesn't have hobbies that are really hers.