going NC
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going NC
| Thu, 10-21-2010 - 8:11pm |
Hi all...(this is sort of a long post, sry)
I have posted a couple of times on the MAS board but am new to the EAS.
| Thu, 10-21-2010 - 8:11pm |
Hi all...(this is sort of a long post, sry)
I have posted a couple of times on the MAS board but am new to the EAS.
Hello & Welcome to EAS,
You've taken some excellent steps toward going completely NC. Deleting the email accounts and having empathy for the hurt and destruction this is having on his wife. I also think telling him to come back when things are LEGAL and then going from there... well, that says something positive about you (-: and that you are ready to take a stand.
I just have a few questions as I am not sure where it is that you are "at".
Are you wanting to go NC for the sake of easing the situation for all the parties involved, with the hopes that you will reconnect after things are settled? If this is the case, then I am pretty sure this isn't the right board for you. You will not get support here for imaging a future with your (x)affair partner.
What you will get here is the support, encouragement and resouces/tools you need to effectively end any and all connection with your affair partner - for good. Not for the time being, or until. BUT FOREVER. This might seem extreme to you, but if you stick around here long enough, and do the work that is required to get to the bottom of your motivations for engaging in an affiar, then you'll find you don't want anything to do with xAP. You'll come to see your affair as nothing special, but the same-old same old: Two people using each other to escape from their real lives. Two people that colluded with one another to deceive and lie to love ones, sneaking away and feeling like you are something you are NOT by getting to know his family and friends. My situation was not unlike yours. I was VERY close to my xAP's family, and we had the same peer group and worked together & studied together. We traveled together and celebrated our relationship openly with some of our friends who knew. He too planned to leave W, guess what? After he told her, he got all weak, started to cave under the feelings of guilt - and I crawled myself to this boards. Now, 6 months later ... 6 months of NC, I want nothing to do with him - ever. He is a reminder of all the pain I caused my H, my children and his family.
Hi Forserious and Welcome! :)
Your words are soooo me ... then.
- when he had feelings for me all along. (xap told me that i am his first/true love)
- I never had strong feelings with him until we started hanging out this year
HI FS,
Welcome to our community. Have you been taking a look around? Are you familiar with our Healing Library?
You've been offered some good insights from the previous posters, and yes, this is an endings board...but as has been already mentioned, the ending needs to be permanent. Perhaps someday your SepMM will get a D and come looking for you, but I hope that doesn't mean you are putting your life on hold in the mean time. There's a good chance that "someday" will never see the "light of day."
We can most certainly help you with the NC process and get you through the next few months until you are strong enough to decide if you want to stay here or not, but the beauty of NC is that it will give you the clarity you need, and with that comes an entirely different mind set. Your thinking is going to change, the A goggles will fall from your face, and most times we learn that what we thought was love was nothing but a big hot mess of sticky, gooey, emotions. The outcome is usually much different than what you are anticipating at this moment.
I hope you will stick around and read all that is offered here. If anything, you will gleen quite an education on affairs and how we are not the same person once out of it, as we were while in it.
((Hugs))
This message is for
"forserious" in regards to going NC: