goingnuts2004..I need some advice.
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goingnuts2004..I need some advice.
| Sun, 01-09-2005 - 8:53pm |
Please read my posts. I have had an affair for 15 years and this past Friday it ended. I need some insight. I would appreciate it very much.
Thanks.

I can really feel the pain you are in. It seems awful, like you just can't stand it one more minute. I don't have any real clear advice, just know that almost all of us have been there at one point or another. Distract yourself. Take a hot shower. Take a cold shower. Run around your house/apt. Drink hot tea. Drink iced tea. Do anything to keep your mind off of your pain.
No, do not call him. It just perpetuates the agony.
If you feel you can handle it, read all of the posts on this board. Go back and read the archives. You will learn a lot about affairs and what makes them so painful.
Good luck. Take an hour at a time. Then a day at a time. This too shall pass.
Alice
Meadow,
We all can fell the pain and sorrow that you are going through, and unfortunately, there is/are no magic answer(s) to help ease the pain. The only other angle to your situation that I might add, is that you have to be a little more understanding of the MM's plight even though you are suffering. Right now he is trying to save his marriage. He may or may not be successful with his efforts, but if he has any shot at all of succeeding then you have to be out the picture. Otherwise his perspective will not be clear, and his efforts will fail for sure. If he fails, I would expect for him to be contacting you right away. That might sound like you are a second choice, but the fact that he has had a relationship with you for 15 years and has stayed married means that he has reasons to stay married to his DW.
Your marriage sounds unloving. Is there a chance that MC could revive it? From the sounds of things, it certainly couldn't hurt. I wish I could be of more help here, but I don't think any simple answers exist. As others have suggested, an anti-depressent from a good MD might help. Don't do anything rash. Remember, you are important to your kids and to others. Hang in there.
Thank you so much. You definitely made me feel a little better. I thought the same thing. He needs not to have me in the background. But what hurts is that he doesn't think. He shoots his mouth first and then thinks later. I made a lot of points with him that night. You stayed in a relationship to help me get over you....How stupid is that. You should of seen his face when I said...Yeah, you helped me get over you while you stuck your tongue down my throat. Or, when he said to me that he "deeply in love with his wife". Sure, you are that is why you kept f(*king me for 15 years! I see the love you have.
Stupid, stupid, stupid. He doesn't think first. That's his problem.
Again, thanks. Would it be possible to write to you some more. You give good advice and comfort. Thank you.
I'm not sure how much help I am, but I will try. It's hard for me to picture a 15-year A. You must have in a sense, felt married to him, and he must have felt that too. Recovery will be challenging to say the least. Try to be strong, and don't be afraid to reach out for help.
Well it's Monday and he said on Friday that he would call me and he did. He asked how am I doing, I told him "I'm not going to lie, but I feel awful. He agreed. I asked him how he felt and he told me that he feels numb, sad, responsible. We listen to each other's breathing and I asked if anything change, like did she take you back....No....Did the papers get served....No. So basically it is still the same....Yes. I asked him if he still like to know my work schedule being I work in retail and have crazy hours. I undertand if you don't want to know...He said ... yes I would like to know, in case I would stop by to say hello. He also added for me to tell him my weekly hours on Friday when he calls me. (six months ago we had this talk it was the first inkling that he told me something is wrong at home. We came to an agreement that he will call me every Friday.)I also asked if he had time to think about what I said....he said Yes, all the time.
When I talked to him, I felt his pain and he told me he feels the pain that I am going thru. I told him that I miss him very much and he said (with sincereity in his voice) I know you do. Then he proceeded to tell me he needs to settle this at home.
Like you said he needs me out of the picture, I guess...sexually if that is right, so he can focus on what he is going thru.
I don't know.