the good, bad, ugly and beautiful

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
the good, bad, ugly and beautiful
5
Tue, 08-03-2010 - 10:51am

Let's play "The Good, the Bad and the Ugly" (and I added Beautiful because I always want balance) of what we have learned or gone through during our A. For me:

Good: I have learned an enormous amount about myself. I know what I want and deserve in a relationship. I know what my own downfalls are.

Bad: I lost almost all my self-respect. I'm working very hard to regain it.

Ugly: The ugliest thing about my A, was probably the person I had become. The things I said, the way I acted.

Beautiful: On a deep level, my horizon is looking pretty beautiful. On a shallow level, as was talked about in another post, I'm looking much better in the mirror.

Bodhi

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2010
Tue, 08-03-2010 - 11:14am

I'll play....


Good:


The A did allow me to regain my old drive, determination and spirit, it was always there but just got buried in the mundane parts of life ... i want to keep that outgoing personality that could take on the world


Bad:


I

New Choices, New Chapter,


New Challenges,

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2010
Tue, 08-03-2010 - 11:31am

Me too!!


Good: I saw how much I believe in love. How deep my love goes. And when balanced how great my real love story is going to be.


Bad: I realize more than ever how much I lose myself in love. On my own I am super independent, confident, sassy. In love I am a lump. I just melt into a puddle and become docile. So lame. Need to learn how to lose my heart but keep my pride!


Ugly: What I was capable of. What I compromised. Who I became. How selfish I felt. It was all veryyyy ugly.


Beautiful: This process right now is beautiful to me. Being broken is beautiful. Being real is beautiful. Believing in my myself and God again is beautiful. The restoration process shows me my humanness and grows compassion in me that I might never have had to share with others who make mistakes. Now I can!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010
Tue, 08-03-2010 - 11:45am

Good: I saw how much I believe in love. How deep my love goes. And when balanced how great my real love story is going to be.


Bad: I realize more than ever how much I lose myself in love. On my own I am super independent, confident, sassy. In love I am a lump. I just melt into a puddle and become docile. So lame. Need to learn how to lose my heart but keep my pride!


Be careful thinking of your A as true and real love. Real love hides nothing and knows everything about the other person and loves them inspite of. What you had with your AP was not the true person he really is. True love doesn't see the OP at their best all the time. It sees the OP at their very worst and loves them inspite of. Your A never had the opportunity to see the real person, warts and all. We put on our best behavior when in an A. We hide our annoying personality quirks and our habitual lateness (just a metaphor). We always are at our best. I'm afraid if you gauge your A on finding real love you will never open yourself up to falling in love and finding something that is true. Notice everyone always finds their soul mate when they are in an A. Now everyone who has an A can't have found their soul mate but while in an A it feels sur-real because it is. It's a fantasy where our real lives don't exist.


Now to answer the good, bad, ugly beautiful, I can only answer the good and ugly.


The ugly is the person I became having s*x anywhere and everywhere just to get my fix.


The good is that my A forced me to deal with my abandonment and isolation issues and I have reconnected with my DH on a level that I never thought possible.


The beautiful is that I know that I will never be a liar and cheater again. I will live an honest and wholesome life and not have dirty secrets.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2010
Tue, 08-03-2010 - 12:02pm
I get what you're saying, Mom! But xAP and I didn't stay on our best behaviour the whole time. We let each other see SOME of the bad days. He shared with me how he can be in situations and how he feels about things. I don't feel totally blinded to who he is. I do agree there were many things I don't know. But I do feel that (at least on my end) I loved him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
Tue, 08-03-2010 - 12:16pm

I need a reminder of all of this today.


Good:

Babysteps


...even if it is all I can do, I can take one babystep.


NC/LC since May 21, 2010