Good news from Mrs. Hardly-dare-to-write

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2003
Good news from Mrs. Hardly-dare-to-write
6
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 3:53am

Well - hugs to you all.
Also thanks to your boost in the last days, I was able yesterday to clean out all keepsakes from my Ex-affair. Suddenly I felt I could do it and do it right - lighting a votiv-candle he had once brought me from the cathedral of Reims in France, taking each thing, looking at it, remembering fondly what it had meant to me/us, and then throwing it away, smashing all porcelain/glass; not with anger, but with a feeling of "no one else should maybe find + use it, this is all in the past". Some things were harder, some easier, but I managed well. Thinking only positively (saying it aloud to myself/him helped, too) about him/us felt EXTREMELY good and right, and left no place for self-pity, anger or much sadness.

The only things I did not throw out were a ring he had given me and some photos of him. I have quite a collection of rings + pics from former lovers, which I never wear or look at, so that will be OK. In addition, I cleaned my computer from all his letter, pictures, our poetry and my diaries to do with him, as well as the letter for his birthday in November (printed this out and ripped it, before deleting it on the comp).

It was a great relief when I had finished; a weight off my shoulders and my mind. I would never have thought I could do it, but here I was, calm and kind of cheerful, putting larg junks of him away for good. And I don't think I will ever regret doing it. Maybe this all sounds like a small incident, a small step - how big it (psychologically) was for me, I noticed in the evening, when I was real tired very early...

But, no rest for the wicked: Just this evening (?!) a stray cat (which I'd seen around, but it never came near), thoroughly black, with an experienced, a-bit-battered look, chose our doorstep to call out frantically for some food. DH and I adamantly don't want a cat. But he is as weak as I am sometimes, and what choice do you have when you're chosen? And it DID rain hard last night, and we DID have just too many cans of tuna stacked up.

So, sorry, but must stop my ramblings now to attend black beast, which is firmly plastered on my lap, demanding attention + cuddling, and trying to hit keys on my board like I do right now...

Thank you, each and every one, for going with me and making me able to take this important (2nd? 40th? whatever...) step. I'm feeling SO much better for having taken action, instead of just thinking and writing.

Will keep those who might wish to know, posted on how I get on.
From the heart,
M.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 7:16am

hi there Woman--
Congratulations! We knew you could do it!
That's a huge step and now you are headed in the right direction. You sound so much happier :-)

Meg

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2004
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 7:59am

woman -

You sound great! This is so wonderful to hear.

I have been contemplating throwing something my XMM gave me, too.
I'm just not sure yet.

Anyway, what are you going to name the 'black beast'?

I LOVE cats and will some day be a little old lady who has a bunch of
them!

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 8:21am

Hiya Woodsie,

That was an enormous step towards looking forward rather than back, towards acceptance and towards healing. I'm so very proud of you I could just burst.

That wee cat found you because you need each other right now. The unconditional love of a pet is both humbling and teaches us a great deal about ourselves. And hey! Pet-owners have been repeatedly proven to have lower stress levels (provided you're not allergic to the lil critters!).

Hope you'll stick around awhile, sweetie.

Wishing you strength & peace,
Posie

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2004
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 8:57am

<>>

An omen, and one not to be taken lightly. You will both heal together. I bought a kitten last November when I entered the first stage of acknowledgement that my affair was suffering a slow death. Over this last year, *Lily* (my now FAT CAT) has filled many lonely hours and offered me up many comical moments. I had forgotten the warmth that comes with having a pet that just *knows* when cuddling is needed. It had been 5 years since I had any critters to dote my affections upon (except for XMM) and well, enough said ;)

<<>>

I am more than just proud of you. This was a huge step. Hanging on to the past only weighs us down, and you are majorly on your way to a lighter, brighter view of all that surrounds you.

~True~

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2003
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 9:11am

There are no coincidences! I'm thinking about the cat showing up on your doorstep to comfort you after you purged yourself of XMM. The Universe works in mysterious, and wonderful, ways.

Good for you getting rid of every last reminder! I didn't do this quite as ceremoniously as you described, but little by little I've gotten rid of most everything. It really doesn't have any meaning left. The only thing I've held on to is his hockey jersey, and I don't know why I just don't feel right throwing that out. I don't look at it or sleep in it or anything, it's just rolled in a ball in the corner of my closet. Most of the time I don't even realize it's there. I've got no sentimental attachment to it, I think I just feel like it would be disrespectful (?) to throw it in the garbage. He worked very hard to get it.

Anyway, good for you! Enjoy your new friend and keep us updated! Love, Mo.

mo 7-18-10

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2004
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 10:16am

Hello Woods,

I am so very happy for u. Moving in the right direction, It does feel like you have lifted a ton of weights off the shoulders. It gets better day by day only if you want it to. Enjoy your new found friend, I think that was a gift from above to help through some tuff times.

Take Care
Keep in touch...
Ladybug