Gotta get back on that LC Horse

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2009
Gotta get back on that LC Horse
5
Thu, 09-24-2009 - 7:20pm

I am a jumbled mess. I hope the following rant makes sense.

1 month LC. No personal (as in private text or email) contact at all. I was doing so well. I'm reading the healing library; I saw myself in so many of these posts. I am working on myself and my marriage. I could even go a day (SOMETIMES) without really thinking about him.

Today, however, I get a text message from him telling me his wife is in the hospital. And I wrote back words of sympathy and hope. And now he's been texting me and I've been ignoring them -- ok that's not true - I've read them, but I have not responded because I don't know how to respond. Some of them are a continued explanation of his wife's diagnosis and prognosis (good - fortunately) but most of them are in the I miss you, I miss our chats You're so pretty vein...He's sent me about 15 or so today - I finally turned off my phone...

WHY ALL OF A SUDDEN DOES HE WRITES NOW? I mean our whole emotional affair was disloyal, but this seems really really disloyal to his wife. And this missing me stuff? He is the one who broke it off with me!

I really really really need to get my mind off of this - yet I obsess! Not even reading about Glee! (I LOVE that show) on various sites is helping.

Ok. Ranting done.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2009
Fri, 09-25-2009 - 4:12am

It should send you a message on his integrity when he is texting that youre so pretty while his wife is in hospital....

Keep in you mind that he ended it and is deciding that he wants his play toy again. You are not something to be put down and picked up on a whim.

Stay strong and focused on LC. You have gone this long without him and even through the emotional rollercoaster you have survived. You can do it! One day at a time.

Good Luck.

SB.

Que Sera Sera - Whatever will be, will be.
Que Sera Sera - Whatever will be, will be.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2009
Fri, 09-25-2009 - 1:11pm

Hi d,

He's texting you because he's looking for the support you provided to him before. He's forgotten that - hello - you're not there to provide him the doormat service anymore. So he figures that he can 'use you' when he needs it, and 'end it' with you and feel high-and-mighty Mr. Integrity when he doesn't need it.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think you are not his doormat or crutch!! He ended it, he needs to put the big-boy undies on and deal with his wife's problems as a team WITH his wife, and not running to you.

I am SO proud of you for not answering his texts!! Stay the course, sweetie. You're doing the right thing for the most important person, YOU.

big hugs,

trixie xo



"Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain.”
Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2009
Fri, 09-25-2009 - 2:41pm

So... what if instead of texting, the xAP comes to your door and says basically the same

And when you tell yourself the same that Sometimesblue very wisely said: "Keep in you mind that he ended it and is deciding that he wants his play toy again. You are not something to be put down and picked up on a whim!!"

What do you do when the xAP comes to your house and says this to you? When he would text, you can choose not to answer.

When he comes to your house, should you push him out of the door and tell him to get lost?

Should you tell him in a very clear way: "You ended it, you want your play toy again. I am not something to be put down and picked up on a whim" ?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2009
Mon, 09-28-2009 - 2:27pm

Thank you for your encouraging words SB, Trixie, and HTGO,

I (probably like many others) don't know anyone that I can talk about this to personally. So, this board helps me to re-focus...

This weekend was DH and my wedding anniversary. I stayed away from the computer. However, before I went computer cold turkey (I should probably find that ivillage group…) I posted the fact that it was my wedding anniversary on the social networking site my x-eap and I both use. And I have not heard from him since. (I am also going to give him the benefit of the doubt and assume that he is focusing on his wife!) Anyway. This may be one example where LC is a good thing. But the important thing to know is although at first I was really distracted, I ended up having a great time, and was able to focus on my DH.

PS I don’t worry about him showing up on my doorstep…He’s thousands of miles away. Thank God.

PPS Can someone put an improving or better emoticon?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2009
Mon, 09-28-2009 - 2:29pm
Giddyup cowgirl! :-)