Gradual Ending to affair I think
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Gradual Ending to affair I think
| Tue, 04-20-2004 - 10:53am |
Hi everyone, although I am still in the A (I think) I am gradually growing more and more distant from MM.
He's put me thru NC a few times the last year, the longest being 8 weeks, the last one was for 2 weeks just last month.
Each time he does this, I get a little less fond of him. And start to realize that I am not even important enough to him for him to at least keep me in the loop about whats going on in his life. Also his emails have really diminished. He says because he is so busy at work but really, maybe its for the best.
It seemed like when we were IM'ing each other every day, for hours a day, it was so intense, it really keeps you in "the moment".
But now that his emails are tapering off, we are only talking maybe 1 or 2 times a week if that. And have only got together in person about 1x a month now, whereas it used to be 2-4 times a month.
So although I have thought about ending it before, I don't know, but maybe things are gradually phasing itself out. I no longer obsess over him like I used to do. I no longer think about him day and night. I'm sure if he asks to see me, at this point I still would get together, but I'm not going to be the one to ask him. If he wants me, he can ask. So far, I haven't talked to him again since a week ago today. In the old days, I would have been so upset, crying, wondering "why"? Now, it really doesn't phase me. I just think oh well, maybe I shouldn't be keeping up with this anyways.
Has anyone else ever ended their A this way? Not with anything dramatic, but just a lessening of feelings, seeing each other and talking, until eventually you gradually drift apart? I think that's what's happening to me. And maybe it for the best.
Thanks everyone,
Dusty
He's put me thru NC a few times the last year, the longest being 8 weeks, the last one was for 2 weeks just last month.
Each time he does this, I get a little less fond of him. And start to realize that I am not even important enough to him for him to at least keep me in the loop about whats going on in his life. Also his emails have really diminished. He says because he is so busy at work but really, maybe its for the best.
It seemed like when we were IM'ing each other every day, for hours a day, it was so intense, it really keeps you in "the moment".
But now that his emails are tapering off, we are only talking maybe 1 or 2 times a week if that. And have only got together in person about 1x a month now, whereas it used to be 2-4 times a month.
So although I have thought about ending it before, I don't know, but maybe things are gradually phasing itself out. I no longer obsess over him like I used to do. I no longer think about him day and night. I'm sure if he asks to see me, at this point I still would get together, but I'm not going to be the one to ask him. If he wants me, he can ask. So far, I haven't talked to him again since a week ago today. In the old days, I would have been so upset, crying, wondering "why"? Now, it really doesn't phase me. I just think oh well, maybe I shouldn't be keeping up with this anyways.
Has anyone else ever ended their A this way? Not with anything dramatic, but just a lessening of feelings, seeing each other and talking, until eventually you gradually drift apart? I think that's what's happening to me. And maybe it for the best.
Thanks everyone,
Dusty

Long time no post.
My A ended with a bang not a wimper, but I have been reading a lot of posts and have seen this talked about before so it does happen, It seem like a better way for it to end then a lot of others. I could be he is hopeing it will just go away so he does not have to go throw the ordeal of an ending, men can be such cowards about these things.
I was wondering if you think that your absense from the affairs board has made it easier on you to move past the affair, being on these boards can seem to cause you to spend extra time and energy focusing on the OP and the affair, what do you think??
Free
And like I said, even 6 mos. ago I'd be a wreck if I didn't hear from him for a week or
so. Now its been just over a week since I've heard from him, about 3 weeks since I've seen him. And I haven't shed a single tear, lost a night's sleep. I think I'm just gradually detaching myself from him and it seems like that's what he's been doing with me. Sure, when we get together we enjoy the time (its all about sex) but then I don't hear from him for long periods in between. Its really given me a chance to see where I am as a priority for him.
I've really been trying to focus things on myself, trying to deal with my problems with H. Although I've not really made any headway with that, I feel a little more settled about myself, at least I'm doing whatever I can for myself.
And I am not contacting him either. If he wants to talk, he knows where to find me. I'm not going to go begging back to him, I have some self-respect. Maybe I'm getting more as time goes on. Take care,
Dusty