iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2011
Tue, 01-29-2013 - 1:49pm

I used to post this thread on Tuesdays - it came from when I was in counseling.  My therapist wanted me to see that amid all the hurt, confusion, anger, unhappiness and chaos that there were good things so I could keep perspective and find hope to pull me through dark moments. 

Two and a half years after my A and I came to this board today because I was feeling weak.  Not that I wanted to go back or fish or anything like that.  Just feeling emotionally low today and needing the reminder that closure is about ME.  I needed to remember that it's okay to grieve, I needed to remember why I ended my M and my A.  Gratefulness doesn't really cover how I feel about this forum.  I recently was having a moment of feeling victim of my A - I'll never escape some of the public humiliation that crops up from time to time.  And as I read and responded to some of the posts today I remembered that ending is an ongoing process. 

No one is immune to wanting to feel loved, wanted, validated, acknowledged, special, beautiful and valuable.  No one - it is in our basic human nature. 

Today I am grateful for the chance to give myself closure (again) and get back to progressing.  I am grateful for the reminder of my EAS family who support without judgement.  Grateful for the chance to change to a transparent life with no secrets.  It took me a few tries, and a lot of patience, and afew wake up calls from fellow boardies who didn't let me justify or excuse bad decisions.  thank you for saving me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2012
Thu, 01-31-2013 - 8:05pm

I think it's Gratithursday by now, but I'll chime in anyway :)

For me, I am thankful for alot; for the new-found courage to seek out real, heavy-duty, high-quality MC w/ my H.  Ironically, it was the A that made me strong in this area.  I woke up one morning soon after I ended my A, realizing I have one life to live and I'm NOT going to tip-toe around anymore to placate my angry, insecure H.

He's worried - and should be.  Behind the scenes I've been preparing for the "just-in-case" ever-after.  Sold our summer home, sold an empty waterfront lot - and am working on more.  Getting rid of the things that take up so much empty space in my life - yes *my* life - and clearing out for whatever comes next.

In the meantime, taking extremely good care of myself; just last week I completed a "detox" program at my gym that killed my caffeine and bad sugarless chewing gum habits; am eating clean + working out at the gym - and I feel like a million bucks.

I am a founder/executive at a small start-up high-tech company and I love my job.  It challenges me and I spring out of bed every morning, eager to start my day.

Most of all, I am grateful beyond words for this private place in which I can confide and check things with you, my friends.  I have *one* friend out here in the real-world who knows the full extent of my story.  I trust her with my life - like a sister.  I sat through weeks and weeks of tea and sympathy with her until those anxious post-A feelings gradually faded.  But you guys were/are always there no matter the hour.  It's another form of therapy for me, and I cannot thank you enough, especially you, WC, who made me realize I am not a victim at all - probably the biggest catalyst that caused me to get back behind the wheel of my life and DRIVE.

I love you all.  We are on this earth for a very short time and it sure is great to spend these precious moments with people who mean so much. Thank you for your generous, selfless advice.  I have paid close attention and am acting on it all - as best I possibly can.



iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2010
Wed, 01-30-2013 - 11:13am

Hi Lolly, I agree with Clarity! Grateful that you are on the board today, with a great topic too! Today, I am grateful for another day of not seeing XAP (we live and work in the same part of town, so “sightings” are highly possible). I am grateful that my H wants to stay and work on our M (he knows of A and was not sure if he wanted to stay a few weeks ago). I am grateful that three of my closest friends, who could not begin to understand why I was involved with XAP, have not left me and never gave up on me! I am grateful for our marriage counselor. I am grateful that I left XAP; that I disappeared, that I stopped being his cake on the side. I too am grateful for this board and all the support I have had the past two years (yes, that’s right folks! I first came here two friggin’ years ago and am now, FINALLY, out of A – going on six months since talking to/seeing XAP.) P.S. Clarity, I just yesterday saw your PM to me regarding my NC date. (Stupid site doesn’t alert me to PM’S! I just happened to look in there yesterday!) Let me ponder your question. There has been NC since Aug. 16, BUT he has fished, I sent final “please don’t contact me anymore” email in October, and, I continued to cyberstalk until first of this year, which kept me “in contact” on some level. KWIM?

Avatar for wClarity
Community Leader
Registered: 11-04-2012
Tue, 01-29-2013 - 6:30pm

Today I am grateful that Lolly has started up once again her Gratituesday because it is too easy to get bogged down in what we think we want and important to take time to be grateful for what we do have.

Today, I am hopeful that she will continue to make it a Tuesday event :)



Community Leader,

Ending an Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2012
Tue, 01-29-2013 - 2:39pm


Thank you for such a wonderful post about your friends here who supported you. It is such a great place to find the answers and help that one might need. Daily I am amazed at the time and care the members here take to welcome some one and take them under their wing and help them on the road to healing.