Great analogy to help you stay strong...
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| Thu, 07-01-2004 - 1:47pm |
I first posted earlier this week ("New here and confused-really need support") and reading about all of your situations and responses to each other has really gotten me through the week. It really helps to know that there are so many women out there with different situations, but who are experiencing the same range of emotions and thoughts that I am. Just knowing that I'm not crazy or alone has helped so much.
My best friend knows my situation, and I vent to her every day. She gave me the greatest piece of advice, and I wanted to share it with you. It has really helped me stay strong and maintain no contact, even when I really want to email him...
She told me to think of this situation like my cell phone contract. I'm paying for it, but it will be over at the end of my contract. Every day is a day closer to being past this. Every time I start ANYTHING back up with him (friendly emails, chats at work, IM, or giving in physically) it's like making a change to my cell phone contract. I can do it, but the contract starts over again. I could be a month away from being done with it, and it will start over with a whole year ahead of me. Any contact will mess with my head and heart, and I will have to start the healing process all over again. All the good, hard work and pain I have gone through to get to this place will be for nothing. I will have to do it all again.
I hope this makes sense. When she explained it that way to me, it was like a light bulb went off in my head. So many times I have been so close to just a quick "Hello" email (it has been a week since we last emailed, which is a long time for us.) but I remember...I do NOT want to have to go through all of this again, and inevitably that's what would happen.
Hugs to you all!
Lily


Lily, I like your friend's analogy. She is right. In most of these situations, it is like starting over with each new contact. I know I went through it a few times before I could make the final break. We were off and on for about 10 or 11 years. Each time something would start up it would last a few weeks or months and then I'd get my head out of where it doesn't belong and start over on straightening out my life.
So, ladies, let's all quit renewing this darn contract!
Thanks again!
Thank you, Lily! It does take a lot of inner strength to get out of an affair and stay out. It also takes much inner strength to stay here on the board to continue providing support for others. Since GB (Ex-affair partner) and Sean (my DH) are still friends, it would be very easy for me to start things up again. I still have reason to contact him if I chose to. Reading many of the stories here does sometimes make it tempting to attempt renewing a friendship-only relationship with GB. I know I can't. Sometimes I wonder where I get that strength to tell myself "No" and then I 6hink of San and all that we share and I know it's worth it.
Does Sean know????
It must be so difficult to stay away when contact would be so easy!
Thanks for all of your support and the experience you are sharing with all of us.
Hang in there!
Yes, Sean knows. He knew long before I ever told him. Fortunately, we used it as a wake-up call for ourselves and our relationship.
We no longer live in the same area as GB so contact is limited.
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