To the guys need your input to post...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2004
To the guys need your input to post...
25
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 10:53am

Bumping up the post from earlier.. dipss had some good questions that I have been
thinking about also..

Nostalgia is nipping at my heels
emoticon:
message #: 14411.6 in response to 14411.5
from: dipss
to: meg_at_peace
date: 8:02 am
replies: 6
next discussion>>


Ok, so you a triggered a thought.

I know it doesnt matter but....

Do you think they have those moments of nostalgia as well or do you think their brains are wired differently.

xMM once said to me when we were once trying to end things that it was hard for him but he doesnt allow himself to wallow in those thoughts.

So what do you think???

xo!

Dipss


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2004
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 11:36am

I personally don't think you can generalize by gender here. I know that I often am nostalgic about the OW, and in my mind, I miss her as much as she misses me. I wish I didn't "wallow in those thoughts," but unfortunately, I do. Regarding your question regarding whether or not men's brains are wired differently, of course they are. That's why we men drive so much better.....

(put away the daggers, I'm only kidding)

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 11:37am

I've often wondered this myself. When entrenched in my A, I thought almost obessively about my xMM.

I once asked him if he ever thought about me and his response was "I think about you all the time, everyday."

Hmmmm, but he could go days and days without returning my calls or e-mails.

I think they are just better at compartmentalizing things than we are, or at least I am. When he was at work, he worked. When he was at home, he did his husband things. I occupied his downtime in the car on the way too and from work, when he was up late at night, etc.

I like to think that he thinks of me now and again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2004
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 11:46am
I can tell you over the past year I have ended things with the ow 3 times only to return because of the pain I felt. More heart breaking pain than I have ever felt including losing a loved one. NOstalgia? nostalgia- a feeling of remembering the past as a happy time.
I definately have nostalgia. I think I torture myself with nostalgia. I love to remember the good times to the point it hurts. When we were apart I would read over old loving e-mails, cards, etc. I would go visit some of the same places we went together just to remind me of her. I bought her perfume to have. I would constantly play cd's over and over in my car that we use to listen to. I would look at picutures of her. I would call and talk to her friends just to be a little closer to her. I would call her voicemail just to hear her voice. I would type long loving e-mails to her and then delete them. How is that for nostalgia?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2004
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 12:09pm

<<<< How is that for nostalgia?>>>>

Thank you for this heart-felt post, and your honesty. It takes a *real* man to admit this to a board full of women. I would also like to add, for those women wondering about the aftermath, that I have to face it everyday at work. Somedays I'm a total B*tch to XMM, and other days I will let him walk down memory lane (to a point) because I know it is helping him heal. Right now he is in the "grieving" mode, and although I hid that period exceptionally well when I was going through it (back in June and July), he wears it on his sleeve. He only recently realised that our being "DONE" was causing his depression. DUH! MEN!! ;)

Yes ladies, they do think of you. They are nostalgic. Maybe not right away, but in those alone/lonely moments they WILL remember. Any ending that calls for the severing of emotions, is painful. Period! And contrary to what I always believed in the past about men and their feelings, I have learned through my A that I was totally off base thinking that XMM wouldn't be effected by my decision to *stop*.

~True~

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2004
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 12:11pm
Bear, Thank you for your heartfelt words.. I am guilty of all of the above. We had a favorite song and I usually turn it off as soon as I hear it on the radio 3 months NC the pain is just still too fresh. As for you Going!! Hmm...Watch out with the women drivers jokes or we are going to all put you on our ignore list! :)


Edited 10/21/2004 12:15 pm ET ET by lostnhim
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2004
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 12:17pm

Hello lost and all you fellow ex-EMA people:

I know you asked for a guy's opinion, but I couldn't resist the urge to reply to your post.

I don't want to burst anybody's bubble, but I'm fairly certain the only time my XMM gets nostalgic about me is when he's in the shower jacking-off! LOL!!!!

By the way, I just want to say thank you to all of you who post your stories and those who offer such wonderful advice and words of encouragement. I rarely post, but check in on a daily basis. I feel like I know most of you so well and am thankful for the strength you give me.

fresh

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2004
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 12:20pm
the driving joke came from another with outdoor plumbing. Statistics show woman are much better drivers than men.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2004
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 12:32pm
Umm is it just me or is this not the forum that I expected to see comments like this on?It's one thing to write about bad feelings about XOM/XOW but this seems a little much..Oh Well..JMO Lost


Edited 10/21/2004 12:33 pm ET ET by lostnhim
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2004
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 12:41pm

Oh C'mon, lost, it was a joke. Lighten up.

I'm sorry.

XMM told me one time for a fact that's the times he thinks of me most. He's a jerk.

fresh

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 12:57pm

Thanks so much for sharing this. I wish my xMM had shared this much emotion with me just once. It wouldn't have changed our outcome, but it would have been nice to know that he was just as "crazy" for me as I am for him.

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