To the guys need your input to post...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2004
To the guys need your input to post...
25
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 10:53am

Bumping up the post from earlier.. dipss had some good questions that I have been
thinking about also..

Nostalgia is nipping at my heels
emoticon:
message #: 14411.6 in response to 14411.5
from: dipss
to: meg_at_peace
date: 8:02 am
replies: 6
next discussion>>


Ok, so you a triggered a thought.

I know it doesnt matter but....

Do you think they have those moments of nostalgia as well or do you think their brains are wired differently.

xMM once said to me when we were once trying to end things that it was hard for him but he doesnt allow himself to wallow in those thoughts.

So what do you think???

xo!

Dipss


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2004
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 12:58pm

<<<>>>>

Well, I thought your imput was hillarious. You're lurk'n and he's jerk'n, HAH!! IMO, the majority of affairs are sexually explosive. I knew my XMM 10 years before we took the nestea plunge, and once we did, we couldn't stay away from one another. That went on for 4-1/2 years, I'm embarrassed to admit.

Please come out of lurkdom and tell us your story sometime. Success stories are much needed around here to break up post after post of heartache and confusion.

~True~

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 1:04pm

I think we could all use a little levity during these difficult times :-)

I would also like to think that XOM thinks of me when that certain song comes on the radio, or he goes to Starbucks for an afternoon pick-me-up (one of our 'spots'). My XOM (single, by the way) was the one who ended things with me. I once (during an arguement) mentioned how easy it seemed for him to get over me. His response was "You weren't there to see when I was hurting - you don't know how hard it was for me. I dealt with it in my own way." He also told me that he has since "repressed his feelings for me". Whatever the hell that means. And before I institued the NC rule (last Thursday) I would still get the occasional, late night, I'm at the bar, wanna hook up phone call. Whether it was just because he was (excuse my language) horney, or because he was missing me, or a combination of both, I know I crossed his mind...which gives me a tiny bit of satisfaction.
I think that we as women (most of us anyway) need to cry, and read old letters, talk and get things out. Men (mostly) want to be strong, push their feelings inward and ignore whatever is going on in their hearts. I know I am stereo-typing, but I think it's true.

Diva

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2004
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 1:09pm
I thought the post was humerous and was it was nostalgic for me. We use to start every day showering together, etc. enough said. oh, the good old days.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2004
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 1:19pm
A man's point of view.- Watch out and resist the calls from the bar. Boooze/Horney/lonely are most likely the reasons for the call. If you choose to follow through on that type of invitation you will know what his intent was if you wind up in the sack and then he leaves and you don't hear from him for a few days or until the next time he is in the bar. Booze + man = Horney man. I'm sure I'm not telling you anything you haven't thought of.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 2:21pm

Bear -

My thoughts exactly! I was smart enough NOT to take XOM up on his proposition. 1st time it happened, I did meet him, but told him I just couldn't do it because my feelings were still involved...if his weren't, I knew I would be the one crying the next day. The second time it happened (a few weeks later) he called 4 times - my phone was off, so luckily I didn't have to make that choice!

Question - not sure if you have read any of my previous posts, so I'll give you a quick synopsis - XOM was/is single. I am married. Our A was brief, but intense (as most are). XOM is 3 years my junior. He told me I was the first girl he has ever been in love with - he said he had never said those 3 little words to anyone before, and never really wanted too. He also said he never imagined marriage until me. I know some of his "circle" and know this is all true. He ended things for various reasons - said he didn't understand how I could love 2 people at the same time, tired of going home to an empty house while I went home to H, tired of having to lie when people asked if he was dating someone. Said he didn't think he could give me the life I have now (materialistically), and said he just didn't see how things could ever work out between us. His feelings for me were pretty intense...so here's my question...can a man truly feel that way, and then just shut it off and just have sex w/o those feelings being there, or coming back? For me, I could never just be "bed buddies" with XOM because of where we were and how we felt then (A ended 2 1/2 months ago) - especially this soon after!! But he has recently told me that he wants us to still be friends and be able to still sleep together! Am I crazy?? Or is he??

Diva

PS - Your earlier post about nostalgia returns my faith in men! They are not all schmucks :-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 2:33pm

" How is that for nostalgia?"

Honestly, that sounds more like "obsession" than "nostalgia!" But, most of us have been there, too! :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 8:29pm

I guess at the end of the day it all depends on the situation, no???

my xMM once said to me "love doesnt go away" and that he wouldnt "allow himself to think too much about it" and he was in "out of sight out of mind mode"

funny when we were together he said that he didnt feel guilty about what he was doing and "that what we had found together people dont ever find in a lifetime"...

and then when we ended it...he said "I dont love you anymore". OUCH!!!!

talk about some mixed messages, huh???

Yup that last comment really hurt!! I dont know if I would have prefered hearing that he loved me but we both knew that this had to come to an end. Whenever we ended it that way, we always ended up talking again. So who knows.

I cant imagine that we never come into their thoughts but I am pretty certain that they dont obsess like us crazy gals! :)

Crazy day today at work...I was so busy and still in the office and missed all the posts today. Hope you are all doing ok and holding on strong to another day of NC. NC...funny such a simple yet torturous concept.

BTW- i thought fresh's post was harmless and pretty amusing as well. :)

xo!

Dipss

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 8:40pm

Dipss -

Wonder if we were involved with the same guy!!?? JK!

<<>>

My XOM said something similar to me while we were together. He said "Feelings never go away, they just get repressed." HOWEVER after we ended things, he also told me he wasn't in love with me anymore....OK THEN!!!! I don't think anyone has ever said anything to me that hurt so much. Now he just wants me for sex - well that ain't gonna happen :-)...not sure which hurts more - knowing that he doesn't love me anymore, or knowing that he now just thinks of me as a 'toy'! NC - 1 week today!!!

Glad I'm not the only one confused by mixed messages!!

Diva

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 11:41pm

This male used to think about the ex's.


As time went by I thought of them less and less......current life is very active with 8 kids, so my focus is far from the xOWs.


But that's me.


And I don't know how other men think on this subject....


cl-nre

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2004
Fri, 10-22-2004 - 10:19am
Diva, I have read your previous posts. I have learned from the advice you were given. I don't blame him for having feelings that it would not work when you are married and he has to go home alone and he can't tell anyone about the woman who has stole his heart. As far as his feelings go.... He can not invision a future with you as H and W given the current circumstances, so he wants what he wants when he wants it. Yes, men can have sex without being in love. If he was in love with you before he probably still is but has built a wall to protect himself from being hurt further since he thinks you have no future. He can't get you out of his system. Can't let go. I know I have been there.