H is determined to ruin xAP
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H is determined to ruin xAP
| Fri, 05-07-2010 - 4:43pm |
H goes through cycles... one day he doesn't care, the next, he wants to destroy xAP.
| Fri, 05-07-2010 - 4:43pm |
H goes through cycles... one day he doesn't care, the next, he wants to destroy xAP.
Ok Chica,
You got drama. Man oh man. Your H is acting pretty normal. I mean, the violent stuff aint excusable but certainly understandable. You been handing out his goodies to another. Of course, he is going to have highs and lows and be all over the place. He is hurt, wounded. Pain we can not comprehend.
I am concerned that you are more concerned about Exap than your H. I mean, your post shows that. Not good. Ur exAp and you created this mess. You both did. You can not save him from your H. And it certainly not your duty to do so or warn him. He blocked you. He is done. Stop stalking him on FB from your kids pages...come on, you gotta be better than that. It's called NC, which means nothing, nada, zilch, zero. Nothing. That includes cyber contact.
You can not control your H, you other two made this bed. You have to deal with this. So does exAP. I hate that his W has to be pregnant, that is just sad. But your and your Exap had to know that there is always a risk to an A, always a possibility that there is a DDay on both ends. A's feel good but they have some ugly ending and consequences.
Have you thought about MC with H? U need to be honest with H and you may just have to deal with his lockdown of you for now. You have some trust to rebuild. Sounds as if he is a little over the top, but if you want your M to work you gotta do some work. Have you tried to sit down and talk to him? He obviously does not trust you anymore and can you blame him? You are still on FB checking out exAp, trying to email him to warn him. U need to let exap go, in all aspects. Then if you so choose, work on your M, rebuild some trust and talk things out.
I am sorry this is tough for you and that you are going thru tough times. But this is the hefty price we pay. I hope you hang in there and start makin some good healthy choices in the right direction towards you and your M. Leave exAp to whatever. He aint your problem.
Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
Oh, ajayceegirl, I just want to hug you. This has to be so hard on you. I had a dday too, but it was kind of the other way around. Exap's W wants to kill me.
Anyway, just know that time heals. Every day that gets a little further out will be one day easier. Please just hang in there, it will get better, I believe that. We are here for you, you are not alone!
(The healing library is down below the "general discussions" area. It is labeled in pink writing just like the other areas. keep scrolling down and you should see it.)
Love,
Hazel
((HUGS))
I might not be popular for saying this - but I get that your H is totally screwed up over the hurt that has been caused, however I think his behaviour is really concerning. I am worried about your safety. I am worried that when he can't get his rage out by (mis)directing it at xAP - he is going to be coming for you. Both my xAP and I had Ddays, and each one of our spouses held us (mostly) responsible - as in, not the AP. We took the vow, we broke the vow. We just found willing participants to assist us in doing so. Sure my H would like to blow my xAP head off - but he knows that I was the one responsible for taking care of MY relationship. xAP owed my H nothing. Human to human, yes, but, well - you get it. What your H is doing is putting a lot of people's literal safety at risk. He is deflecting from the real issue and spending time spinning in anger instead of working toward resolution. His mood swings seem so unpredictable, from rage to passionate kisses. I dunno. Makes me shake my head and my stomach ache for you. What a mess. And I do agree that you trying to take care of xAP, while I get, is going to backfire and again, put you at terrible risk. Please ajay, think about your well-being only. Ahead of each of them. What do you want?
Keep posting,
TU.
"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
I can completely relate to your post!!!
Ajay, you and H need counseling STAT. Would he be willing to go? For some reason you're keeping yourself attached to xap. While understandable to a degree, your H's anger and coping skills need to be brought under control. It sounds like you both
Thanks for your replies.