H finally talks to xAP....
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H finally talks to xAP....
| Wed, 04-14-2010 - 5:52pm |
H was just livid because we were convinced that xAP's wife didn't know about what happened.
| Wed, 04-14-2010 - 5:52pm |
H was just livid because we were convinced that xAP's wife didn't know about what happened.
No. My H called xap on our first DDay and there was no love lost between them. I am a bit baffled by what you've written. It doesn't make sense. My H harbors so much hate for xap, there is no way they'd ever be friendly. No way. I am pretty sure that if xap walked out in front of our car, my H would accelerate and run his ass over. My H harbors this hate because xap walked into his M and tried to take the most important thing away from him. I am stunned that your H could even think about being friendly with xap. My xap is a nice guy too... despite the fact that he pursued me and had an A with me... that discretion aside, he's a great dad and a nice guy, but my H will never see that... and I don't blame him. He's right. Not only were my actions inappropriate, but so were xap's and because my H doesn't care about xap, he will never forgive him like he's forgiven me. I am going to venture to guess that your situation is very unique.
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
My girlfriend had an A with the the H of a friend-couple with whom she and her husband were close. They did not become 'friends' again, but the H and the xAP do play on the same sports team and they are more than civil. The BS of the xAP is cold but not mean to my friend. It's all too weird, but it works for them.
I wonder if your H feels a sense of taking back the power by being forgiving and accepting of the xAP. I would praise him highly for being the "bigger man" and off-the-charts amazing, but I'd certainly stress to him the need for you and he to leave xAP and his W out of your lives going forward.
Best of luck to you and thank goodness your H is such a saint.
xo
Dee
oh, and now I've totally spoken too soon.
My A ended on less than a happy note. In A for about 2 yrs with coworker. Never thought H knew but he did. Was quite about it util he got ALL the info. Want to point out that H never raised his voice or hand to me or the kids even after the A. Just after Thansgiving last yr, H confronted AP on his way home from our house. H beat the cr*p out of AP. Broken facial bones, lost teeth, numerous bruises and in hospital for 3 days. AP was away from work for about a month. H never has admitted to anything but after about 4 months, AP told me it was H. I did suspect however. AP was never the same. He went from an outgoing confident man to a withdrawn timid person. His worked suffered and I'm afraid he will be let go soon. Before AP came back to work, H started to drop in at my work to "take me to lunch and just to talk" about twice a week. The men like to talk to H about sports (H is a jock) and his military exploits, the women fawn all over him and flirt openly in front of me. AP cowers in his office and hides. OMG, I'm soooo sorry for what i've done to this man and what I have done to my H to make him behave like that. The A is over, XAP will not take the chance to talk with me. Cant blame him. There's more bad news. When it was time for open enrollment at end of year, I discovered that I was no longer beneficiary on H's insurance or for his penson. In our state you can name anyone to beneficiary before retirement. Dont have any idea what this means but it doesnt sound good. A's can be a bitch. Just my sad story.
My H was kind to my AP while we were in the affair - he de-briefed to our friends what a jerk, f&^King a-hole he was but didn't put me in the middle.
His reason was to be kind to me - to not do anything that would hurt me and he knew with time, I would come to see the Reality of who my xAP really was. I also think he knew that talking badly to or about him would not be constructive as it would serve to put me into a defensive mode - because at that time, this was someone I loved.
Now that I am in a different place, my H shares how he feels about him, how he felt all along, and I trust him now because I am not looking to defend or excuse his behaviors anymore. My H is also an incredibly secure 'man' and never made it about his ego being hurt - he didn't for once feel that this was about him or his inadequacies. I think this is rare.