H Sleeps/Kiss from xMM

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2003
H Sleeps/Kiss from xMM
2
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 2:58pm
Here's a recap of my weekend:

1) tried to talk with H on Friday night--a nice, but very emotional conversation. We had moved from our backyard to our/my bedroom. We lay down--i was talking, crying, opening up. Within 10 minutes he had FALLEN ASLEEP! It was around 8 p.m. Later, i went out on our trampoline and he followed me outside--conversation was lighter--but then he started complaining about the MOSQUITOS, so he got up, went inside--end of conversation. SIGH. . .

2) ran into xMM--where? On the Little League field, of course. I was walking out alone--he was walking in alone--with the sole purpose to come and watch my son's team play. He made a hand/arm motion like: "Where the heck are you going?" He was smiling. I kept walking-we met briefly, he bent down and gave me a kiss on my check--i said a few things, smiling, about how my son's team was losing and that i was off to work on my boys' school fundraiser (that was that night). Why, he chose to do this on Saturday, after i've seen him for months on this field, and he hasn't approached me--let alone give me a kiss--is beyond me. The good news was, i was so busy preparing for the big party i had ABSOLUTELY no time at all to even think about this chance meeting and i haven't thought of it much since, until right now. I didn't post here--didn't feel obsession and upset from Oct - Feb/March when xMM and i were being friends. If we could get to a place, like on Saturday, where we could at least see each other and he/I could acknowledge one another i really think i would be OK. I have no expectations about the A or loving him in that way, ever again. But it has felt terrible, to think you've simply fallen off the face of the planet regarding someone you loved so deeply.

3) A series of unfortunate events--that i had NO CONTROL over--occured in and around the fundraiser party that left my having a bad time, of course, which he blamed me for. I told my H after the party, i empathized with what had happened--i took responsilibty for one choice i made without consulting hime first (the details don't matter) but i didn't understand why he had so much DISPLACED AGGRESSION toward me over things i/he couldn't control. He got mad and went to bed and i really haven't talked with him since. Oh, he will talk about the weather and the schedule for the week, but nothing else. This thing about his DISPLACED AGRESSION is a key problem in our M and he often takes things out on the kids when he is mad at me. (He yells at them and yanks them around--they are 7 and 9. He will drive angrily in the car, with them in it, cursing me the whole time. My older son tells me.

4) H has gone far, far away (another contintent--17 hours ahead) on business for the week, so am looking forward to the time to myself and not walking around on eggshells. H seems to do better communicating with me while he is away: his emails are more personal, as are his messages and our phone calls. Why he can't be intimate with his W when they are in the same hempisphere, is only an issue that he can work out. I try and try and try.

5) the times i've thought of xMM has dramatically diminished since i started that process on Friday.

I am still tired--still working thru things--but feeling stronger today.

Clarice


Edited 5/10/2004 3:10 pm ET ET by claricews

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2003
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 4:35pm
Hi Clarice! Well, you can't make this stuff up, huh? I had to laugh reading the section about your H falling asleep and you going out to the Trampoline????? I was visualizing a different ending to that story once you mentioned that he followed you out to the trampoline, but whatever... And the OMM just gives you a casual kiss on the darned little league field like nothing. What the heck did he have for breakfast that day????

You didn't elaborate much on the unfortunate events surrounding your fundraiser, but I just had to share that I run a not-for-profit foundation for my sons' disease and I throw a yearly whoop-de-doo myself. Very stressful, not a role I'm particularly good at (the planning, etc.) but I do make a delightful hostess (especially since I'm sober now!!!!!) I'm pretty good at speechifying and politicing, if I must say so myself. Anyway, my hats off to you for throwing one of these, they're a ton of work and I truly hope it was successful and a pleasant event for you!

I'm so glad to hear that you're doing so well. Send some of those sanity vibes my way, honey, I'm unraveling here... Love, Mo.

mo 7-18-10

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2003
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 4:54pm
oh. i was seriously unraveling last week--and will be again soon, i am sure. so you unravel this week and we can trade places next. how do you manage the sobriety when you feel this way? i never drank until any of this stuff came up last year--and now, i find i do to help take me away and ease some of the anxiety. I am doing less of that now as i was becoming aware of a pattern.

hang in there. the unfortunate events just had to do with the sitter being late (i can't control that) and antoher family was late dropping their son off to our house (so they could also attend). So H was here having to be elsewhere (picking up the sitter) while having to be at the house (to wait for the other kid to be dropped off). I offered this as i was trying to be nice, as they decdided to come very last minute--like an hour or two before!

I say, Honey, you've got to be flexible in these situations! I didn't say it to him, but we mothers deal with putting out minor fires and regrouping on a minute by minute basis.

And for those things, he WAS MAD AT ME! I HAVE NO idea what i did to deserve his displaced aggression and silent treatment. That's just how he operates.