Had an affair with husband's friend

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2004
Had an affair with husband's friend
4
Tue, 10-19-2004 - 2:51pm
I'm new to this board and this situation. I've been married 7 years and they've been fairly good years. I have a great husband BUT he has a problem showing his feelings. This has bothered me for sometime- I'd gripe, he'd listen things would be ok for a few months and then it would fall right back in to the same ole same ole. Other than that he's great guy.

Any way, about 3 months ago we met a new neighbor, who recently became single,he's really cute, and so much fun. He has became a friend of both mine and my hubby. My hubby has asked him over just about every day and our weekends are consumed with him. He pays a lot of attention to me and my hubby has even remarked that he likes me. (He has told hubby that i was a really cool wife)Well about a month ago, hubby went out of town for work for the weekend. Several of us had plans to go out and I was trying to set him up with another neighbor. Well that didn't happen, instead everyone noticed how much attention he paid to me! Long story short that weekend we ended up sleeping together, then it happened again!

We have talked and decided that it could not happen any more, HOWEVER, my hubby now considers him a friend and plans activities with him (we have a lot of neighborhood bar-b-ques and stuff) The problem is that I can not stop thinking of him. I dont' want it to stop. I'm crazy about him and don't know why. It's not like we've had a lot of time together just a few minutes stolen here and there.

I am so confused. Everyone that is around us (except hubby) notices and even makes comments to me about the looks and sutle touches we exchange.

I don't know how to handle this! How can I get over him while he's at my house 4 or days a week.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Tue, 10-19-2004 - 3:03pm
Chris

You need to get this guy out of your life ASAP, This will be hard but you may want to consider telling your husband that you are strongly attracted to this person and he you and for the sake of your marriage you both need to end all friendship with him.

Something to bare in mind is that this so called friend is stabbing your husband in the back by having sex with his wife, it does not say much for how good a friend he is to people he calls a friend, maybe he ended up divorced for a reason.

Your best option if you want to save your marriage at this point is to force NOT CONTACT and don't worry what people will think it's your problem not theres.

JMHO

FREE

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Tue, 10-19-2004 - 3:18pm
Have a good long read here to help understand what your doing. anaot an easy place to read but an eye opener.



http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rladultery

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Tue, 10-19-2004 - 3:30pm
<>

Believe me, your H WILL find out in this scenario. Either he'll see it himself, or someone will tell him.

This is a recipe for disaster unless you don't mind losing your H. You barely know this guy...is he really worth taking this incredibly risky chance for? To what end? He has nothing to lose...and you have everything to lose. So of course he won't mind continuing.

A. Talk to the OM and tell him you cannot continue as anything but neighbors.

B. Ask him to please decline some of the invitations to come to your house, if you don't feel comfortable telling your H that you think OM has inappropriate interest in you. If he has any respect for you, he'll do as you ask.

C. Break off any contact other than that which you have to have as a neighbor, and keep that to a minimum. Sooner or later, if he is single, he'll find someone else, and you won't have to worry about it.

Its your decision but you are definitely playing with fire...so think long and hard about what you want.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2004
Tue, 10-19-2004 - 6:13pm
<<<>>>

News flash! Many men have this problem.

<<>>>

For a man who has problems showing his feelings, he is very observant. And let me get this straight...a cool wife? Was that before or after you had sex?

<<>>

Only a matter of time before your husband is part of that "everyone".

<<>>>

Don't worry. Keep it up and it will come to a crashing halt all on it's own.

<<< How can I get over him while he's at my house 4 or days a week.>>>

Find excuses to leave. Go shopping. Visit your girlfriends. AND if you can't remove yourself from the situation, tell your husband that this disrespectful jerk made a pass at you. You have made a sham of the trust your husband has for you and no matter how much "fun" you've been having, there is nothing "fun" in breaking the heart of a man who loves you, or going through a divorse over a loser who betrays his neighbors. Report me if you must, but this guy makes me want to VOMIT!

~True~