Had an affair with married man

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2003
Had an affair with married man
12
Mon, 05-05-2003 - 10:24pm
Hello everyone.. Thanks for all your replies to my other post asking if I should tell my husband about my affair with a married man. I made the decision to keep it to myself. I did however let my best friend in on my secret for support and advice.



I am so glad that I found this site and this message board. I have a feeling that it's gonna help me with what I'm going through. And to realize that there's a lot of people going through with what I'm dealing with and feeling.

K .. so here's my story.. I've been married for 4 yrs. and have a 3 1/2 yr. old.

I work on the weekend shift at work with all guys.. One night back in Jan. one of the guys was reading "Penthouse" magazines. I got excited reading them too. He used to show me how excited he got by lifting up his shirt and showing me..(lol) Then I said the next time your wife comes and visits have a little quickie in your truck or something.. he's like I'm thinking about someone else..the next few weekends he would tell me he was thinking about me and that he wanted to try what was in those pictures. Well I kinda felt uncomfortable and confused at first - thinking to myself he just got married in Sept. 2002 to a very pretty girl and didn't understand why he was coming on to me when I'm not all that pretty (well I don't think so anyway). (He's 30 and I'm 27).

One time when He showed me his hard on I said borrow some of my hand lotion and go in the bathroom and I asked if I could watch. Well I did. I think he was getting to me cuz I felt so turned on that someone else was looking at me and wanted to do sexual things like that.

Then at the end of Jan., he asked for my # knowing my husband isn't home on Sundays so he could call and have phone sex. It was the hottest most intense conversation I ever had. Near the end he said we got to do something about this. I said yes we do. so the next weekend we actually started touching each other and started having sex at work. I thought it was excited and crazy and risky. But its just sex and maybe I'll learn something and I can share with my husband to make our sex life better. I didn't even classify it as an "affair" cuz I thought that meant having feelings with one another, and this was just sex, but I soon learned that it didn't mean that.

The first weekend in April, we met each other for the first time out of work before work and had sex in my car. He gets me so excited and makes me feel good about myself. we kissed and just plain ol' F**ked. But as time went on, I found myself thinking about him and couldn't stop. It got in the way of my family life and my emotions were going crazy. I would think of him and would have to touch myself and I even thought of him while making love to my husband. He told me he thought of me while he was with his wife too. I was shocked.


Well a couple of weekends ago (4/26) we met again and something didn't seem right. He said he was tired which he probably was since we work the night shift. But that night I told him that we shouldn't fool around anymore. He was ok with it. (seemed so anyway)

But ever since then I've been so depressed and all these feelings of guilt and even some feelings that I don't want to stop, but I know I should. I miss the excitement and the sex. I told my husband that I only kissed a guy at work and he was hurt, so that's why I'm not gonna tell him. But we're gonna slowly work on things and I'm gonna try to figure out why this all happened

Sorry this post is so long.. I just wanted to tell about my situation and how I'm feeling. I need help with getting over this affair and I know this will help telling everything. Thanks for reading and please any advice would be appreciated.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-05-2003 - 10:38pm
Geshhhhh!!!! Aren't you just a littlebit TOO vulgar?????????? I think you over did it. I don't think you should tell us about every tiny detail of your love making.I think your post was disgusting. And, I would be suprirsed if iVillage don't take it off. Blue.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2003
Mon, 05-05-2003 - 10:42pm
I am so sorry!! I didn't mean to offend anyone. Sorry about that!!
Avatar for iamdelightful
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-05-2003 - 11:53pm
I think it's perfectly allright. It's true that we usually don't see that amount of sexual detail in most posts, but hey, variety is the spice of life right? I was not offended.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2003
Tue, 05-06-2003 - 12:37am
My oppinion is that if you needed to tell details then you should....If I was offened, I would have moved on....Just my own oppinion, I just thing every one has their own way of expressing and telling a story....I was not offended and wish I could talk about details some times....sometimes It makes it feel better, please dont be upset about the prior post and keep visiting...most of these people are very nice and supportive!

JMO
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-06-2003 - 1:04am
I stand corrected. It just hit me the wrong way since I miss doing all those things with my MM. I surly wish that I could again and the sooner the better. And it is coming, by God it is coming. I can't wait. Hugs,Blue.
Avatar for iamdelightful
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-06-2003 - 1:15am
Blue, I really wish you would reconsider going back to this guy. You're a wonderful woman and you deserve a man who can be 100% yours dear, not a man who belongs to another woman and who will only give you scraps of his time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-06-2003 - 1:43am
Thank you iamdelightful for your concern. You are probably right. However I am not as young as you are. This guy showed me what sex was all about which I never experienced before , meaning how good it can be. I am in a sexless marriage and so is he. We are too old to change our lives and start all over. Besides, I just can't take that nagging pain 24/7. Besides, I love him. If I have to go through N/C again I will probably go insane. Which that is how I felt for 7 weeks, insane. And so did he. Love, Blue.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-06-2003 - 7:38am
Jean,

I think you were just trying to explain to us what happened, and I wasn't offended (maybe slightly surprised LOL)...

I won't say my A started in the exact same way, but I did think I could keep mine only about 2 friends having sex when it first started - but I couldn't and I fell in love.

One thing I've learned (and I have said this before here too) is that an affair is not about SEX. It is about something wrong or missing inside of you... whatever that is made you vulnerable to this man, excited by him instead of just slapping his face when he got graphically sexual in his discussions with you. It's not about your marriage either, although I am sure there are issues there (because despite what I was SURE of when my A started, I also now believe that an A does not happen in a good marriage). The A was about something in YOU. The reason I say this is because I can not recommend therapy strongly enough...

Please don't take my suggestion of getting therapy the wrong way. I am in therapy - I didn't start til my affair ended, and one of my biggest regrets is not starting it sooner. I think a LOT of the posters on this board are in or have been in therapy... Figure out WHY you fell into this affair (and it was an affair even before it got emotional - you were cheating on your H - affairs can be physical, emotional, or both...). Figure out what is missing or wrong inside you, inside your heart, that led you to this. What did you get out of it and why did you seek it outside your marriage? Not just talking about sex here...

I'm glad you have a friend to talk to... and I hope you can stay away from this man at work. I also agree with your choice not to tell your H any more about it - I think that just letting him know there was a kiss should be enough to wake him up and hopefully get him willing to work on whatever problems you have as a couple...

Good luck, hope to see you around here more...

Glinda

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2003
Tue, 05-06-2003 - 12:06pm
Hey blue

what's your problem? The purpose of this board is to help people and sometimes you need someone to vent to about everything. I have to admit I was getting kind of excited just reading this stuff.

I would suggest not to criticize people for venting and as far as jeanbean goes, give her a little credit, she is walking away before things get too hot and heavy (althought it almost sounds like they already have). My suggestion is to focus all your energy on your 'h' maybe go somewhere - I also have a 3 year old and I know how it can put a major crimp into the bedroom activities.

good luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-06-2003 - 1:49pm
right.

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