Had an affair with married man
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|Mon, 05-05-2003 - 10:24pm|
I am so glad that I found this site and this message board. I have a feeling that it's gonna help me with what I'm going through. And to realize that there's a lot of people going through with what I'm dealing with and feeling.
K .. so here's my story.. I've been married for 4 yrs. and have a 3 1/2 yr. old.
I work on the weekend shift at work with all guys.. One night back in Jan. one of the guys was reading "Penthouse" magazines. I got excited reading them too. He used to show me how excited he got by lifting up his shirt and showing me..(lol) Then I said the next time your wife comes and visits have a little quickie in your truck or something.. he's like I'm thinking about someone else..the next few weekends he would tell me he was thinking about me and that he wanted to try what was in those pictures. Well I kinda felt uncomfortable and confused at first - thinking to myself he just got married in Sept. 2002 to a very pretty girl and didn't understand why he was coming on to me when I'm not all that pretty (well I don't think so anyway). (He's 30 and I'm 27).
One time when He showed me his hard on I said borrow some of my hand lotion and go in the bathroom and I asked if I could watch. Well I did. I think he was getting to me cuz I felt so turned on that someone else was looking at me and wanted to do sexual things like that.
Then at the end of Jan., he asked for my # knowing my husband isn't home on Sundays so he could call and have phone sex. It was the hottest most intense conversation I ever had. Near the end he said we got to do something about this. I said yes we do. so the next weekend we actually started touching each other and started having sex at work. I thought it was excited and crazy and risky. But its just sex and maybe I'll learn something and I can share with my husband to make our sex life better. I didn't even classify it as an "affair" cuz I thought that meant having feelings with one another, and this was just sex, but I soon learned that it didn't mean that.
The first weekend in April, we met each other for the first time out of work before work and had sex in my car. He gets me so excited and makes me feel good about myself. we kissed and just plain ol' F**ked. But as time went on, I found myself thinking about him and couldn't stop. It got in the way of my family life and my emotions were going crazy. I would think of him and would have to touch myself and I even thought of him while making love to my husband. He told me he thought of me while he was with his wife too. I was shocked.
Well a couple of weekends ago (4/26) we met again and something didn't seem right. He said he was tired which he probably was since we work the night shift. But that night I told him that we shouldn't fool around anymore. He was ok with it. (seemed so anyway)
But ever since then I've been so depressed and all these feelings of guilt and even some feelings that I don't want to stop, but I know I should. I miss the excitement and the sex. I told my husband that I only kissed a guy at work and he was hurt, so that's why I'm not gonna tell him. But we're gonna slowly work on things and I'm gonna try to figure out why this all happened
Sorry this post is so long.. I just wanted to tell about my situation and how I'm feeling. I need help with getting over this affair and I know this will help telling everything. Thanks for reading and please any advice would be appreciated.