Had a major set back today,
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Had a major set back today,
| Tue, 02-03-2004 - 6:51pm |
I caved and ended up having a long lunch with OM which of course involved sex. We have not been physical in almost a month and only in contact at work. NC is not an option since we work so closely together, he can't be avoided. I have tried to keep things professional, but was feeling so weak today. I can't help it, I'm still attracted to OM, I still want to see him BUT, it's so wrong! I'm married with a small child and I have no intentions of divorcing. Why would I risk it all????? To be perfectly honest I think OM and I have become closer by not having any physical contact. We seem to have developed a great friendship and I'm feeling so close to him. I try so hard to stay away but am drawn to him. I want to do the right thing. This afternoon was so hard. I know this sounds so corny, but for the first time I didn't just feel like we were screwing, it was emotional for me. I cried when I left because I feel so confused. OM just called to see if I am ok, he says if there is anything he can do for me to let him know, he wants me to be happy. I guess the only thing he can do for me is stay away :( OM isn't married and is pushing me to make a decision. He obviously wants me to leave my H. I told him I'm not divorcing until I feel I've tried everything I can to make it work. I've talked to H about not being happy and the last 2 weeks he has tried so hard, things have really improved. H is a good man and I should be happy with him, but the truth is I'm not happy because I can't stop thinking about OM.
don't know what to do. I'm feeling so deflated.
BadGirl

Listen, if you want to give your marriage any kind of a chance, you can either change jobs or get counseling to help give you the strategies & strength you need to stick with NC except for necessary professional contact.
If you want to give up your marriage, do it the honest, direct way and deal with that. If you want a relationship in the future with OM -- deal with your life now and get to the point where you'll be free to have that relationship.
If you want your marriage, do what it takes to make it work. And that doesn't include long lunches with OMs, especially not ones that include sex!
I really think counseling is a great option. therapy for you to figure out why you have this need in your life and how you can fill it in a healthy way. Figure out what's with your marriage etc. Don't hate yourself, just focus on fixing things so you'll be happier.
Hi Bad Girl
I can totally identify with what you are going through right now. I was there. I was in an A for 2 1/2 years. My XOM too is not married and is a co-worker. It started off with us being friends, then the A became a physical one and before long a full blown emotional and physical A. And like you, I started off thinking that there was absolutely no way I was going to leave my H. But things got more and more complicated along the way and I was left torn and confused for a long long time. That period of my life is the most painful darkest time of my life and I wouldn't recommend it to anybody, not even my enemies. I care for XOM a great deal but at the same time I felt guilty for cheating on my H who has been so good to me. XOM asked me on several occasions to leave my H but I didn't. I didn't know what to do and so I chose not to do anything about it. By the time I decided to confront the situation, too much heartache and pain has been suffered, too many complications have arisen and too many lies told.
I know it is a difficult decision but at the end of the day, only you know best what YOU want and what is best for you. My only advice to you is to make a decision and stick to it. If you think you want to work on your M, then put an end to the A immediately and start working on your M. If you want to have a relationship with XOM, then do something about it. It wouldn't be fair to either OM or your H to leave everyone hanging in the air.
I am now trying to work on my M, and it's not easy because I have put it off for so long. The longer you put it off, the harder it gets. I still miss my XOM a great deal, but it gets easier as the days go by. And this board and everyone on it has helped so much.