Had a very tough weekend

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2009
Had a very tough weekend
4
Mon, 07-19-2010 - 11:18am
I had a very tough weekend, every down time I have I think of XAP.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
Mon, 07-19-2010 - 11:44am

Hi,

So sorry you've had such a rough time lately and now your body is feeling the effects of sleep deprivation. It's true, time does heal, but you need to get some sleep. Hopefully someone else will have better advice to this problem.

Have you tried reading for a diversion? I know its hard to shut the mind off, and I have my days where it seems all my thoughts are on the good times with xMM, and I have conveniently forgotten the bad, but then I force myself to remember the pain I have caused myself and those around me. That helps me and so will time.

How long has it been since the A ended? How long for NC? I'm only 6 weeks out and its still a struggle to fight the memory demons.

Hang in there and TAKE CARE of YOU!

MO

MovingON

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Mon, 07-19-2010 - 11:45am

Time is really a four-letter word when it comes to getting over an A. Time draaaaaags along when you wish it'd just hurry up so that you can move on. Learning to be gentle with yourself and practice patience is difficult but necessary. Just know that what you're going through is normal and that it will pass. honest.

Hey, btw, I have horrible sleeping problems - not made any better by being in an A or the aftermath of it - and I was told to NOT do any strenuous exercise at night. It will actually impede your ability to relax. Exercise in the morning. Also, no alcohol to relax (it will knock you out but only for a few hours, then you'll be up at 4am and wondering why), don't do bills or stress yourself out (like reading EAS, if that is a trigger) before bed, and don't eat anything greasy for dinner. Hope this advice helps!

Dee

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2009
Mon, 07-19-2010 - 12:03pm

It has been 4 weeks NC exactly.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2010
Mon, 07-19-2010 - 12:41pm

Dear Jap,

This line stood out for me:

" ... not understanding why i couldnt make the difference in his life and crying"

herein is where the work can begin. Jap, this wasn't about you not being good enough, strong enough, pretty enough, whatever your trigger is. This was about a wrong situation that fogged all of us into believing that we were somehow brought into these men's lives to rescue them. Unfortunately we didn't realize we would have to drown in the process.

When you begin to move from crisis to understanding, the haunting quality of the loss will ease because you will re-frame your experience with less effort. You won't need to keep reminding yourself that it wasn't good for anyone, that it was destructive etc ... but you will KNOW it will every fiber of your being.

Time.

TU.

LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou

LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou