Handling rejection

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Handling rejection
8
Mon, 02-07-2011 - 8:57pm
Hi guys

Sorry to start two posts today but this question has been troubling me a lot and Id really value your views. Part of my issues in moving on is the fact that I cant handle being rejected. Im not a model and I have low esteem regarding my body- soooo of course I have a tendency to link exAP's rejection of me (seen through his long term pulling back and distancing himself) as something to do with not being attractive enough.

Now I know thats probably not true but it is still what causes me pain.

So how do you guys do it? How do you handle the fact that exAP no longer wanted you. I thank God it ended and I know the A beginning and ending was all about our individual issues rather than any genuine feeling/attraction. But still Id appreciate any self-talk that you use to reinforce this in your head!!!

Thank you guys

Iggyx
You are what you consistently do
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
Mon, 02-07-2011 - 9:25pm
Iggy, dear. The feeling of being rejected is in your head. It is not a reality. The A had an expiration date. It wouldn't matter if you were Heidi Klum. Yes, you both had issues and therefore A's aren't about looks but rather "feels." Our xaps made us feel attractive, but the truth is you have always been attractive. Has your look changed since ending? No. It wasn't about your looks for him. He liked you and your kitty because of the way it made HIM feel. Iggy, you need to try and reframe that thought. Its what's inside all of us that makes us attractive. Keep working on your inside. You are doing great work.
Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2010
Mon, 02-07-2011 - 9:26pm
we have talked a lot about rejection on this board - most of us struggle with rejection. Hearing that we are not "good enough' or a mistake - undoes the power of positive and cuts us to the core. HOwever....

Rejection is a form of control. It is the power one person has over another in deciding worth. The easy answer is - don't give away your power. The fact that your xAP broke things off with you instead of you with him (I broke it off with mine) I think is at the basis of your struggle - so why not break it off with him? Why do you NOT want to be wtih him anymore? It isn't about YOU! Greedy, cake-eating partners rarely break up because you don't fit some mold - it's because they are GREEDY and CAKE-EATING. They want it all - ALL.

So start by taking back your own power in the breakup - maybe it wasn't your choice - but you CAN make it your choice. WHY do you want to break it off with him? I know you have been around a while Iggs - I've seen the fog lift with you - Would you go back if he came round today? Could you sacrifice WHO you are, and what you know - to pick up those crumbs and be happy? Why not?
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010
Mon, 02-07-2011 - 9:53pm

OMG!!!!

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010
Mon, 02-07-2011 - 9:59pm

Always did NOT just call "it" a kitty. hahahahahhaha

:)

Class Act!!!

:)

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Tue, 02-08-2011 - 4:12am
You guys rock- honestly. You are right- this was never about me for him, and it was never about him for me. Hell he never knew the real me, nor I him.

He didnt reject me. We both rejected the situation. I get that- just have to stay focussed on that :)
You are what you consistently do
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
Tue, 02-08-2011 - 6:21am
(((Iggy)))

It is definitely hard at times, but do you see that you are doing the hard work? Thinking, questioning, digging and it may not feel like it but you are growing. This is hard work, frought with pain of its own kind. I'm proud of you for moving forward, even when it feels like a mighty struggle.
Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2010
Tue, 02-08-2011 - 9:49am

((((IGGY))))

I have also dealt with this for a long time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2011
Tue, 02-08-2011 - 11:23am

The rejection factor of the A ending and the roller coster of the past 4 years was so difficult for me. If ignored me one day or didn't want to be with me, I felt that it was because I wasn't pretty enough. Even up to the end, I took it as a rejection of who I am and what I have done. BUT what I have to keep telling myself is that it has nothing to do with my looks, how I feel, how I am, the relationship is based on so much pain to begin with. Pain and guilt. I truly believe men deal with it too but they don't tie in their self worth into the A like women do. Well, I am just speaking from my personal experience.

I had a really hard time understanding why he would not tell me I was pretty, or felt good, blah blah blah. I realized that I don't need him to make me feel good about myself.