Handling rejection
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Handling rejection
| Mon, 02-07-2011 - 8:57pm |
Hi guys
Sorry to start two posts today but this question has been troubling me a lot and Id really value your views. Part of my issues in moving on is the fact that I cant handle being rejected. Im not a model and I have low esteem regarding my body- soooo of course I have a tendency to link exAP's rejection of me (seen through his long term pulling back and distancing himself) as something to do with not being attractive enough.
Now I know thats probably not true but it is still what causes me pain.
So how do you guys do it? How do you handle the fact that exAP no longer wanted you. I thank God it ended and I know the A beginning and ending was all about our individual issues rather than any genuine feeling/attraction. But still Id appreciate any self-talk that you use to reinforce this in your head!!!
Thank you guys
Iggyx
Sorry to start two posts today but this question has been troubling me a lot and Id really value your views. Part of my issues in moving on is the fact that I cant handle being rejected. Im not a model and I have low esteem regarding my body- soooo of course I have a tendency to link exAP's rejection of me (seen through his long term pulling back and distancing himself) as something to do with not being attractive enough.
Now I know thats probably not true but it is still what causes me pain.
So how do you guys do it? How do you handle the fact that exAP no longer wanted you. I thank God it ended and I know the A beginning and ending was all about our individual issues rather than any genuine feeling/attraction. But still Id appreciate any self-talk that you use to reinforce this in your head!!!
Thank you guys
Iggyx

Rejection is a form of control. It is the power one person has over another in deciding worth. The easy answer is - don't give away your power. The fact that your xAP broke things off with you instead of you with him (I broke it off with mine) I think is at the basis of your struggle - so why not break it off with him? Why do you NOT want to be wtih him anymore? It isn't about YOU! Greedy, cake-eating partners rarely break up because you don't fit some mold - it's because they are GREEDY and CAKE-EATING. They want it all - ALL.
So start by taking back your own power in the breakup - maybe it wasn't your choice - but you CAN make it your choice. WHY do you want to break it off with him? I know you have been around a while Iggs - I've seen the fog lift with you - Would you go back if he came round today? Could you sacrifice WHO you are, and what you know - to pick up those crumbs and be happy? Why not?
OMG!!!!
Always did NOT just call "it" a kitty. hahahahahhaha
:)
Class Act!!!
:)
He didnt reject me. We both rejected the situation. I get that- just have to stay focussed on that :)
It is definitely hard at times, but do you see that you are doing the hard work? Thinking, questioning, digging and it may not feel like it but you are growing. This is hard work, frought with pain of its own kind. I'm proud of you for moving forward, even when it feels like a mighty struggle.
((((IGGY))))
I have also dealt with this for a long time.
The rejection factor of the A ending and the roller coster of the past 4 years was so difficult for me. If ignored me one day or didn't want to be with me, I felt that it was because I wasn't pretty enough. Even up to the end, I took it as a rejection of who I am and what I have done. BUT what I have to keep telling myself is that it has nothing to do with my looks, how I feel, how I am, the relationship is based on so much pain to begin with. Pain and guilt. I truly believe men deal with it too but they don't tie in their self worth into the A like women do. Well, I am just speaking from my personal experience.
I had a really hard time understanding why he would not tell me I was pretty, or felt good, blah blah blah. I realized that I don't need him to make me feel good about myself.