Happy New Year and happy NC!!! :-D
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| Fri, 01-01-2010 - 10:19am |
Happy New Year everyone. Hope everyone had a nice and safe NY. My NY wasn't as bad as I would have anticipated :)
I was with close girlfriends and we ate alot LOL and just talked :) it was nice. Quiet but nice. I am so proud of myself. I did not message him lastnight. This is the first holiday for me EVER to do that. As you know I broke NC on Christmas and on. I was not doing too well. I am feeling ok right now. Dont get me wrong my mind drifted over to him many many times. I was a little (OK ALOT) disappointed that he didnt message me. In a way thank goodness he didnt. That is my weakness. When he initiates contact. Im doomed. If I could just NOT respond. On Monday I will be blocking him from my cell anyway. I put it off. I know hanging on to lost hopes. Still hopeful. I believed in my "fantasy". Oh well. That is life I suppose.
Anyway LOL... Me making NC on NYE is HUUUUUGE for me. I mean huge. And maybe you guys are on to something lol.. I didnt cry myself to sleep lastnight. I will push and push till I get there. To where you are. Peace with yourself!
Just wanted to share.. :-D
--Shawn Alexander

Happy New Year to you to, sweetie. I just got back from going out of town yesterday to celebrate with my sister. Had to get home this morning, worried about my cat, only to find her snoring away on the couch and
~Iddy~
Thank you Iddy. Hope you had a great NY. Thank you for your continued support even though I have been all over the place with my emotions and above all breaking NC over the holidays.
Happy 2010. NC- No new hurts. ;)
--Shawn Alexander
Believe,
That is the best new years resolution you can give yourself: NO CONTACT.
Imagine, no more nights crying. Or feeling sorry for yourself for being alone... these are the gifts you will give yourself when you go no contact. You put YOUR best interests and not his...I used to not believe in this saying, but now I do: It's better to be alone and miserable than be with someone and be miserable.
I'll share something that has been with me since Valentine's day last year. To know where I'm coming from: I never spent a valentines' day with someone. So it was special to me to "be with him". We made plans to see a movie that Friday, the day before valentine's day. Anyway, the whole day I spent dollying myself up for him. Normally he'd call me early or midday. But he didn't. Then he calls me at 8pm - while I'm in my car driving by his house crying... lol and he says, "Sorry I just woke up. Took some sleeping pills after work so I can get to bed". Ummm now I know he didn't really work because he was unemployed. He thought I would have made plans already since I didn't hear from him, but I didn't, so I asked him if we're still going out? He fidgeted with his answer and then said, "You know they're working on my plumbing, I don't have water and can't take a shower." I said, "Ok what does taking a shower have to do with you going out?" he said, "Because I don't want to stink". So he didn't know but I was at his house, and there were NO plumbers anywhere...but he had me on the phone, and he was talking loud, "pretending" he was talking to some plumbers and I asked him where he was and he said outside his house (ummm I was there, he wasn't outside his house!). lol
Anyways, I waited for him to come home and when he pulled into his parking lot and saw my car he almost crapped himself. I got out of my car and starting yelling at him for why he's lying??? He was too nervous worried his wife might come out and see us, so he pretended he didn't even know me... he just kept saying underneath his breathe, "GO home". He had this distant, COLD look in his eyes like he didn't even know who I am...that I was just a bother.
Anyway...I cried myself asleep that night, and the next day on V-Day I went to the movies by myself, to see the movie we were supposed to see...
Sorry for hijackin your thread but its helps me getting these bad memories out in the open. I'm sharing too much personal info now but I really don't care if he finds me on this board...
My whole point Believe is that 'we' don't need to go through these embarrassing, lonely, sad moments in our lives again! No more being second, and being treated like trash. For what? Because he's no prize.
"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."
NC since Dec. 9th 2009
No Contact = No N