Hard Day ~
Find a Conversation
| Thu, 06-03-2010 - 10:55am |
I am having a really hard day today; I am missing XAP and don't want to miss him, don't want to think about him, don't want to remember him, don't even want to see him, look at him....ugh, just very over-whelmed today with many things; personal things from home then I have to come to work and deal with all the BS here (meaning him).
I have been so strong for so long and I feel as if it is wearing on me over time but for some reason today is really hard. Didn't help to walk in the lunch room and as soon as I do he is right there, we make eye contact and he smiles from ear to ear then notice he immediately looks at my chest, I just wanted to smack him but at the same time (if I can be completely honest with you ladies) it made me feel good, like he wants/notices me still. I know that is wrong and I'm sorry, but I have to be honest.
I have to get out of my slump and toughen up again. I feel so weak and fragile right now. :(

Life,
It's got to be so so so difficult to have to have LC/work contacts with X and I really feel for you. I don't have a lot of experience with that so I can't do much but commiserate.
RE: him looking at your chest.... um, _every_ dude looks at your chest. ha. I wouldn't read too much into that!
So you're in a slump and feel fragile. Does that mean you're vulnerable to breaking LC or backsliding, or is it just that you're having a crappy day?
Peace and love to you,
Dee
Thanks so much; I just feel like I am tempted for the first time to break NC yet I feel strong enough (still) not to but haven't had these stupid gushy feelings of missing him like this in a while.
LOL - yeah, you are right, what man doesn't look at a women's chest, haha...love it. I guess usually (for a while now) he has not done that to me, he will be respectful and either just maintain eye contact (if I happen to catch eyes with him) or he won't even look at me. See, he use to always make it obvious of looking at my chest, me up and down and I told him when I "ended it" this last time to not EVER look at my legs, my boobs, nothing because I DON'T NEED IT!!
Anyway, I just need strength, I need to get back on that saddle where I am not caught in the A fog and where I'm not so caught up in what he is thinking. I hate that person and I don't want to be that person again.
LIGA,
<<>>
Did you notice any drooling? Even after 6 years ended, my Xmm still gives me the once over every time I walk in the room. It totally creeps me out and I think he's pathetic. Someday
~Iddy~
Thank you and yes, I know it is a very dark place. I am so sick of this road I've chosen to go down, why did I ever do it for?
When you say it is the feel goods that we miss but the crash and burn afterwards sucks.....it is so true. I miss those "highs", the times he made me feel like the sexiest, most beautiful woman in the world and the excitement for me was the greatest part of all
LIGA~Hope you get some rest this evening.