The hardest day ..
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The hardest day ..
| Tue, 07-13-2010 - 11:22pm |
Today has had to be the hardest day. I had to look in my husband eyes and admit 2 an affair ...For seven months i have lied and cheated on my husband ..tears ...Omg i have ruin my life ... the pain in his eyes .. he's beyond hurt . he wanted detail times,places .so many painfully question.. i promised him that the affair is over an vow to cut all communication and do what ever it takes to move past this.. He had me text the Ap and tell him never to call me again.. The AP later text me back and agree that we shld end it cuz we are both hurting people we love .. The Ap recently engaged his girlfriend (which i never knew he had cuz he lied and i later found out on Facebook that not only does he have a girlfriend but they r due to marry ) i was so angry but forgive him..he said he would give up everything if he could be with me but i know that just useless word of lies .. This is hard i love my husband and want to work it out but don't know if i could really stop seeing this guy .. I feel lost .. tears .. The AP says he loves me but i know this can't be love ... is it possible to love two people ? can i really move forward and not repeat this ? It sad to say but there is apart of me that wanted AP to fight for me an not let me go to say he love me and want me 2 be with him .. i know i'm crazy .. i'm hoping to seek professional help.. I have a wonderful husband how could i do this ? The Ap would say that I'm his true love ..lies lies .. Can believe how naive i have been ....

Hi Change613,
I'm glad you found our board. I just got home from work and thought I'd log on and found your post.
I am sorry for you pain. I am a newbie here myself (almost 6 weeks NC = no contact) and a lot of what you said I have also experienced.
Please start reading in the Healing Library and you will find a lot of similarities in A's and come to realize your A was not that special relationship, he is not your soulmate and no, you don't really love two people.
My A ended badly too. My xMM said he wanted a life with me, wanted this whole situation out in the open, but when it came right down to it, he threw me aside like yesterday's trash and went back to his wife...without fighting for me like he said he would.
You will come to realize that an A is nothing but a fantasy and like so many others on this board will say, all A's have an expiration date. They will ALL tell to you block all forms of communication and walk away. You must do this...it will help and I promise you, it does get easier each day.
Keep posting and take care of YOU!
MO
MovingON
End the affair and focus on your marriage and what drove you to the affair in the first place. AP's are very good at telling us what we want to hear and manipulating us emotionally because they know it works. It's obvious you're on an emotional rollercoaster; not sure where you should focus your feelings. Counseling sounds like a great idea for you (individual and couples). Through counseling you may end up with a stronger marriage or you may realize that you don't want to be with your H. Either way you'll be stronger and eventually happier. Be strong and continue NC.