has anyone ever had this happen?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
has anyone ever had this happen?
2
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 10:15am
i recently got out of a relationship with a man who was seperated from his wife with at the time intentions on getting a divorce. the reason he left his wife was because he had an affair with another woman, they had plans on being together for ever then she (the OW) left him.

we started dating soon after. about a month or so into our relationship he realized his mistake in leaving his wife and kids and decided to try things again with her.

now comes my affair part. the W lives 230 miles away. me and the MM hooked up a couple of times after he and his wife started trying to work things out, the first time he adv it was cause he still had feelings for me, the second he adv he didnt kno why. we still hang out on accasions (he says he enjoys hanging out with me).

thing is tho i have been receiving threatening phone calls from a woman pretending to be his wife (he said it WASNT her cause she would definitely let him have it if it was and that she didnt kno about me just the OW). i have a pretty good feeling it is the OW that is calling me. she sorta confessed to a co worker about it the other night.

now this guy wont contact the OW (who from what other's have said around work they have hooked up again tho he denies it) to tell her to stop and leave me alone. i cant do anything about it work wise cause i have no proof and it is happening outside of work.

me and this guy went out to a game tuesday cause it had been planned for about a week. the phone calls started last saturday. now he wont call, write nothing anymore because of them and THAT is upseting me even more.

have any of you had this happen where someone else your fling had an affair with harasses you and he holds the grudge against you?

any advice?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 11:41am
I've never been in that situation. The closest I've come is having the wife calling and emailing me telling me to leave my "lover" alone and let them work on their marriage. Fortunately there were never any threats and I say the only way to handle that is to stop taking her calls. Get caller ID, screen your calls through an answering machine, do whatever you have to do. You don't have to deal with that stress in your life.

As for your MM, the fact that he's not willing to do anything to stop the OW from harassing you, and that he doesn't really seem interested in talking anymore leads me to believe that he's interested in rekindling the other affair. You don't need this guy! He's confused and he's a user. I know it's easy for me to say that but I hope this is something you can get past with minimal pain as possible.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2004
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 12:08pm
I have never been in a situation like that, but my advice to you is to change your telephone #. Sure caller id will help to an extent, but she can still leave messages for you to hear and upset you with. Plus, she can also block her number so u don't know it's her calling and you accidentally answer the phone. Don't even give her that oppurtunity to harass you, change your number as soon as u can. By the way, how did she even get ahold of your telephone # ????

As for the MM not doing anything to help you out in this situation, leads me to believe that he doesn't really care for your sanity or safety. If he was truly your friend he would help you out by confronting either the W or OW to see who is behind the calls and ask them to stop harassing you. Alot of feelings are involved for you within an A, you definitely don't need to be harassed by someone over the telephone also.

p.s.-this is a reply to glitzekleines, i accidentally hit reply while on jessesmom's response :P


Edited 5/21/2004 9:27 pm ET ET by patches_4me