Has anyone felt this way?
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Has anyone felt this way?
| Mon, 02-07-2005 - 11:04pm |
Ok, this might sound weird, but I am confused about why I feel this way. I chose to finally end the A. I had been struggling back and forth with the decision for months and finally did it early January. The thing is, I still hold onto this hope that we may end up together sometime. I am single and he is M. When guys approach me and are interested, I feel guilty, like I shouldn't express an interest because I am still in love with MM. I know that sounds unhealthy. Maybe I need time alone and to myself to heal before dating again?? I think so. I decided to stay away from dating for awhile to heal from this A. Anyway, I was curious if anyone else felt this same sort of confusion and guilt. I know it sounds silly, because he is M and I am not, why should I feel guilty for dating, especially when we aren't seeing each other?
Thanks for reading.
Thanks for reading.

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just letting you know your not crazy, I thought I was for feeling that way, glad to know I'm not
kat
Sad and Debbie,
Seems like we are all in the same boat with out a paddle. I need to edit my post to read that I decided I CANT go on like that ( feeling guilty)..I dont know the answers or have any thought provoking words I take each day as it comes ( TODAY SUCKED I WANTED TO CALL HIM). I have moments where I hope he'e missing me as much as I miss him an blah blah blah, I resent that I have to edit my life to remain out of contact with him , meaning I have to go out different nights to different places an cant go to parties where I know we will bump into one another. NOT FAIR! And I do still love the big oof ..But I do ask myself every day do I love him more then myself ? If you havent yet in the OW/OM Issues there is a post from Free titled " THE AWAKENING" I just read it and it was helpful some things to really make you think an hopefully help deal with emotions..
PEACE LOVE AND STRENGTH to you both
KRM
It's nice to know that I am not alone. I never realized how hard this would be to move on. I freak out when guys approach me, I can't even bring myself to go on a date. It feels to much like betrayal. That is why I know I need to be alone for awhile and heal from all this. If he decides while we are apart that he wants to get a D, then we can be together. If not, I will will just start accepting dates when I feel ready, and hope that with each date, it gets easier.
Each time we decided to separate, it was his choice. This time is different. I made the decision because I couldn't live with him sitting on the fence anymore. I guess I am still clinging to the hope that we will be together someday. He has told me before that he doesn't want me dating. Sometimes I think he is selfish in that he would rather me be alone forever if I can't be with him than let me go and find happiness.
Now that we are doing NC, sometimes he sends me IM with nothing in it. Just a blank one. I think he does that to remind me that he is thinking about me even though we agreed not to talk. I guess he is sticking to the rules, we agreed to not talk or see each other. He isn't doing either. He always seems to find a way around the rules.
He asked me recently if I wanted to hook up and have s again. I don't know if he was serious or not. I told him he would never see me naked again unless he is free and single. I think he likes to test me to see if I mean what I say.
Anyway, it is nice to know that I am not alone in feeling this way. I guess when I am ready, I will go out and date. Until then, I will clean my wounds and try and get thru each day without him. I don't want to make his life with his W bearable for him anymore. It seems that I was always around when he needed me, but he was never around when I needed him. Now he gets to see what his life is like without me around to make it bearable. Hopefully he will be able to make a decision about whether he stays or goes.
Another thing I find myself doing, is when a guy is interested in me, I find something wrong with him immediately, I find a reason not to go out with him. I think I am just afraid. Afraid of moving on and giving up the dream.
Hgus to us all!
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