Hating myself for weakness
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Hating myself for weakness
| Wed, 01-06-2010 - 8:28am |
So, I can't pat myself on the back anymore for feeling good/moving on. I was warned that bad days will pop up and they have...with a vengeance. I miss his personality. I miss our talks. I miss seeing his # on the CID and the excitement from that. I'm 6 weeks nc (2 if you count the unfinished conversation we had when I broke nc). I HATE that he hasn't even tried contacting me...I'm actually jealous when I read of others' xaps breaking nc..I KNOW that's ridiculous because it's not healthy for them (or me if it did happen)...my mind is saying, at least they know their xaps are thinking of them and I'm getting nothing. I know I should consider myself lucky. Am I still in addiction mode? Am I subconsciously not wanting it to be over? I also still struggle with being the one who got dumped. Is there anyone out there that can relate? I'm noticing its mostly the women who do the ending...how uncommon is it for the man to get the guilts first and run? Or is it common but instead of ending it, they subtley withdraw, which we choose to ignore or acknowledge at the time? I'm so tired or these thoughts and questions and feelings...so tired.

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