haunted by thoughts of "XMM"

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2004
haunted by thoughts of "XMM"
11
Sat, 01-08-2005 - 10:59am
I have been divorced for 2 years, got back together with my H and then split again. We have been totally apart for a year now. During that year I "fell in love" with a MM. We have broken it off and have had no physical contact since the end of September. We still talk on the phone occaisionally (we work for the same company but in different cities) IM and email eachother. The conversations are about work, life stuff, kids, careers, etc. Here is my problem.
My XH and I split because he was an alcoholic ( and drug addicted, which he recently revealed to me, I had NO CLUE) and I just couldn't take the mental abuse and anger he dished out. He was very unpleasant to be around. I took it for 8 years and he got worse, wouldn't consider getting help and when he did it would last about a week and he would be back to his abuse.
In the past year XH and I have had only contact about our 3 small children and mostly unpleasant angry conversations.
6 weeks ago he came to my house and said he wanted to change his life, clean up, and get his family back together. He said he has never gotten over me, still loves me madly, wants to raise our kids together and grow old with me. As you can imagine this was out of left field and I was skeptical about his dedication to cleaning up his life.
Well, so far this has been the longest he has ever gone w/o drinking, is actually educating himself about his alchoholism, going to counseling and AA. Of course you ladies know what MY problem is now. I have this "XMM" in the back of my mind, comparing him to my XH...you know..."but XH doesn't make me laugh like XMM does, he doesn't make me feel all gooey inside and love struck like he did. I know there is no future for me and "XMM" but he is in my mind and I can't help comparing the feelings I had for XMM and the ones I have now for my XH. I just wonder if I had never got involved with "XMM" in the first place if I would be able to get feelings back for my XH.
Anyone have 2 cents? A dollar perhaps?

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2004
Sun, 01-09-2005 - 9:37pm

Just wanted to put in a quick note that I totally agree with everything you said about mental abuse.
From everything I have ever been told there is an alcoholic personality and I am hoping that his former abusive behavior was fueled by the drugs and alohol and with the absence of those 2 things the mental abuse will stop. So far he has been wonderful but I am definately looking for consistency in his behavior. I NEVER want to go through THAT again EVER.

Thanks for your reply

Need2

Pages