Haunted by what he was to me

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2010
Haunted by what he was to me
14
Wed, 12-08-2010 - 1:06pm

Day 3 - tough tough. Lots of tears this morning and had to finally turn the damn radio off on my way to work. Music is such a trigger for me.We were connected deeply with music of many genres and one of the things I loved about him was his knowledge of rock/pop/alternative rock music history in the past several decades and we had banter and discussion that could go on for hours and hours. I so admired that in him among many other talents he had.

I'm single and am free to date. I have tried to date others since the A began about a year ago and I always told him when I had a date. He was always interested in who and how it went and if I will see them again and wanted to deflect me from them if possible. As it turned out, as hard as I tried to replace him, I never met anyone else close to being what I wanted and now wonder if I will ever meet someone who is as well matched to me as he.

Maybe this is doubly hard

Love, Sunshine Dedicated to living my new life with integrity, truth and positive thoughts! I am worthy of true love and definitely worth the wait!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010
Wed, 12-08-2010 - 1:32pm

Sunshine,

Its so new to you...I know how easily these thoughts come up. But I also know what they do to your feelings if you dwell on them. They'll wreck you emotionally - with no end in sight. I think it's CRAZY IMPORTANT to Grieve and feel feelings - but in the beginning, IMO, we have to PICK AND CHOOSE - the EMOTIONS that get us somewhere (in feeling / action) and the ones that take us nowhere (but feeling bad and INACTION).

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2006
Wed, 12-08-2010 - 2:45pm

I see things a little different.

He loves both you and his wife?

Onward and upward.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2009
Wed, 12-08-2010 - 3:26pm

he was damn lucky to have had me in his life

I have to buzz kill this

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2010
Wed, 12-08-2010 - 4:03pm

Hi Sunshine.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2010
Wed, 12-08-2010 - 4:19pm

Thanks Michelle. I can most appreciate your response to my breaking heart email and what I am coming from.

The others who responded were blunt and a bit harsh and probably rightfully so, but right now I need to be more understood and listened to than scolded. I do enough scolding to myself thank you very much. I see that you get it and know where I am coming from and a little history of what pulled me in. It's the first time I have said it to anyone but myself! This isn't so black and white and not everyone's experience is black and white. I'm not saying it wasn't wrong because of course what we did

Love, Sunshine Dedicated to living my new life with integrity, truth and positive thoughts! I am worthy of true love and definitely worth the wait!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2010
Wed, 12-08-2010 - 4:23pm
Thank you!
Love, Sunshine Dedicated to living my new life with integrity, truth and positive thoughts! I am worthy of true love and definitely worth the wait!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2010
Wed, 12-08-2010 - 5:01pm

I do understand Sunshine!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2009
Wed, 12-08-2010 - 5:08pm

I need to be more understood and listened to than scolded

I know sometimes blunt things are said and they may appear hurtful, but they are meant as tough-love.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010
Wed, 12-08-2010 - 7:01pm

(((Sunshine)))

Im glad that you received my message well.

Its a VERY FINE LINE, between being supportive emotionally, helping rationally, YET not indulging in the emotional tidal wave.

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010
Wed, 12-08-2010 - 8:27pm

Also, Sunshine, it's FANTASTIC for you that you're starting therapy!!! That structure, and face to face meeting will help keep you on track with your goals towards feeling better!!!

And speaking of feeling better - I HOPE YOU DO, feel better tonight - with a good night's sleep and wake up refreshed & renewed.

Hang in there!!!! YOu can do this!!!

xo,

Michelle

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010

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