Hello again everyone. Most of you know my story. I work with xMM who is now back with W, trying to have another child and says that he is happy. I had a miscarriage (MM's child) 1 year ago. I have done well with NC. I go way out of my way to avoid him. So far, I have only seen him from a distance 1 time in 1 month. However, it is hard. I am always anxious that I will run into him in the parking lot, etc. Also, just knowing that he is 1 floor above me in his office is hard. I had really hoped that he would not do this. We discussed, at length, how we could not go on here if we split up. I started asking him to look for another job 2 years ago. The thing is, he is going to do this. He is going to stay here and continue his marriage and have another child right in front of me. I do not even know if I have a right to ask him to leave. I think that the baby is what makes me feel that I had a right to ask him to leave. If you read my posts to Serenity, you will see that he talked of our having a child together all of the time. I guess it would be different if he had ever told me that he would not be leaving his marriage. I really took him seriously. Also, I left my husband and now I am single with a mortgage.
OKAY, I guess I should just say it. I thought that he truly loved me enough not to stay here if we split. I never expected him to do this. It is evident that he did not love me the way that he said.
So, I have decided that I have to find another job. I really like my job. I worked hard to get it. I am struggling with these things. I know that there are many out there that would tell me NOT to leave my job because of him. However, most of those folks do not understand the mental anguish involved in all of this. I know that all of you do. Also, I know that I cannot experience true NC working here. When I know that he is away, I am a different person. To me, true NC is never seeing the person or having to even hear anything about them. I am trying so hard to hold my head up and keep going. However, I think that staying here and hearing about his life (from others) is just too much. I feel so weak. I feel like a total wussy. Please let me know your thoughts and/or experiences.
Thanks
Lostit
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If you do leave then make sure it isn't a step downward in status or in salary. He isn't worth that.
I'm sorry that this is so difficult for you. I actually think I would enjoy seeing XOM at work because I think it would make HIM uncomfortable and I would feel empowered..but my situation is different then yours.
Dont do anything rash. Think about making a major career change before you do it.
Jazzdiva
LI, don't feel wussy!
Lostit
Lostit
I may catch a lot of grief for my comments, yet I think there are a few things in these posts that being overlooked....
"If I weren't so crazy about him, I wouldn't even consider it. My marriage is okay. I would be okay if it weren't for X-OM. I was fine until he came along. I fell for him VERY HARD and still am very much in love with him. I hope that someday I can get over him completely."
cl-nre: You'd be OK IF it weren't for x-OM? Why do you choose to give someone so much power over YOUR life and happiness? He didn't come through on his promises to you? OK. Did you follow through and get a divorce to be with x-OM? Had the 2 of you made such a commitment to each other? Are there other issues in your marraige that warrant attention to affect a decision to divorce? Seems so to me. If not, then I believe your focus remains the same as it was when you ended your affair: On what YOU'RE doing with YOUR life with ONLY YOUR husband and marriage. Why presume x-OM is doing ANYTHING different from any other SINGLE man capable of sharing whatever he owns with whomever he chooses. And if she's putting out to him, as you've inferred in your post, as quid pro quo for use of his automobile, so what? Their life, not yours. You have steak at home with H every night......
My point in challenging you on these items is that if you're really happy with the job you have, stay there. You worked for and earned the job satisfaction you have. I believe when you're truly "over" your relationship with x-OM he could have a desk right next to yours and it wouldn't matter to you at all or affect your choice to work where you do. If you're going to leave your job, please do so because it's the right career move for you, not a physical response to current unsettled emotional issues. Because those emotional issues are going to follow you to the next job and situation for another opportunity for an affair.
Lostit
I don't know what your job is but if it is something that you can replace then go for it but if you have a lot invested there screw him and try to find a way to get over it. I would be exactly like you and find another job though. I think getting away from the XMM is the best for your mental health. You have gotten out of a bad marriage and are making a better life for yourself. You don't need him pulling you down.
Good luck finding a new job. How exciting starting new experiences.
Cali~
Good luck finding a new job. I think it's the best thing. I felt a lot better after I left the workplace I shared with MM, even if it did take a very long time to get here -- feeling better that is.
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