HAVE TO DO THIS!! 5 years WASTED

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2003
HAVE TO DO THIS!! 5 years WASTED
13
Mon, 01-24-2005 - 3:08pm
Here I am again, I lurk here daily, bye the hour looking for some majical post that will give me the strength to walk away, it has been almost 5 years. I left my husband, tore apart my family in hopes this man was all he "SEEMED" to be. And everytime I realize he is never leaving his wife and he is full of BS and walk away he seems to suck me back in. Well once again he called today, offering me one more chance, yup can you believe it, he will give me another chance if I am nice. It took everything in me, you would think hec no would be easy but it took everything in me to say no, and I did. I told him NO. I mean who can resist that plea...yeah! SO he said fine I will respect you. I have not heard from him since, he is a stubborn hispanic man FULL of hispanic PRIDE. So stubborn, it is always my fault. I have loved this man for years and the funny thing is, he chased me for 4 years before I was so desperately unhappy in my marriage I gave in. NOW he acts like he is doing me a favor. How does this happen, how do they get so confident? How can they treat us like this how can it have no affect on his day. I mean this tears me up, I am CONSUMED by it and he just goes on as if nothing has happened, how do they do that? I need him not to contact me but I kow it will rip my heart out that he does not. But when he does I have nothing but anger and bitterness for him, I hate him for acrting like someone he wasnt to get me HOOKED. How do I get unhooked? This is an addiction! So bad for me yet I NEED it to survive. How do you do it?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2004
Mon, 01-24-2005 - 3:51pm

I'm trying to get out of my A, I am also hooked emotionally in my own mess so I just wanted to say congratulations on saying no to your manipulative MM. Just try to put him behind you, the past is the past, you haven't wasted five years, you have probably learned a great deal about yourself and relationships and what not to do in the future. I also don't know how these MMs can manage to live without emotions.

Hang in there!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2003
Mon, 01-24-2005 - 6:18pm
Thank you and good luck to you. When do you stop STARING at the phone, yeah I am good I turn the ringer down so I am not tempted to pick up but I am constantly looking for ONE MISSED CALL, ONE NEW MESSAGE. And I know he is stubborn, he would never swallow his pride and ask me for a chance for HIM. He is always doing me a favor. Oh well I guess today is day one!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2003
Mon, 01-24-2005 - 6:52pm

"How does this happen, how do they get so confident?"


Because you left your marriage and tore apart your family for him; he didn't leave his marriage and you kept having sex with him. He treats you the way he does because up until just now, you gave him no incentive NOT to treat you badly. Why should he treat you with respect? However he treated you, good, bad or indifferent,

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2005
Mon, 01-24-2005 - 6:55pm
hi, fooled2much
i don't mean to be in your business, but i wanted to know about this man can you tell me anything about him, or what state you live in the reason i ask is i have been seeing a man and he seems alot similiar to yours he is hisapanic also and says some of the things your mm does, he also had told me about one realtionship that he had been in for 5 years. thanks heart
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2003
Mon, 01-24-2005 - 6:57pm
I am in California, how about you?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2003
Mon, 01-24-2005 - 7:02pm
Heartbroken, I just read your post about paying, my MM would be INSULTED if I ever paid, I offered ONE time to buy him a drink and he was furious. That is the on ething about my MM, he was always trying to by my love, if we had a fight he would ask how much money I need, he treated me like a prostitute. So the face that your MM was cheap tells me it os not the same man, maybe the hispanic men are not raised to respect women who knows!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2003
Mon, 01-24-2005 - 7:08pm
Wow, truth hurts! But I agree. I have created this monster!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2004
Mon, 01-24-2005 - 7:12pm

You are realizing your potential and your worth. It is a slow process, and you are in for some serious hurt.... but you are on a path leading to a much better place.

Keep your chin up, keep your NC up and keep on bragging about your accomplishments. You should take pride in them, no matter how small.

Hugs, sweetie!!! Sky's the limit without this dead weight holding you down!!!

Meez 3D avatar avatars games

"When I meet a man, I ask myself 'Is t

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2003
Mon, 01-24-2005 - 7:21pm
The sad part of all of this is, when I am with him I am so disgusted, his smell, the taste of his breath, I feel I force myself to be with him, I NON stop ask myself what am I doing with this man. I cant wait for him to leave I am so much better than this. We cannot even communicate because I barely speak spanish and he barely speaks english, but when he rejects me, MY EGO IS SO DAMAGED, I think my god if this loser rejects me I must be really BAD. He has beat me down so bad. I have allowed it. I mean for 4 years I would not give this man the time of day. The thought of dating him was a joke, I was management and he was a laborer. Now, he acts as if he is doing me this huge favor. I really need to start working on ME and my insecurities. And avoid his negative comments at all cost! I said NO, I walked away with a little not much but a little respect. It would be so much worse if he ended it with me at least I know I MADE THE CHOICE TO respect MYSELF. Rather he calls or not. I choose ME...finally!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2004
Mon, 01-24-2005 - 7:28pm

Fooled,

You seem to have some serious self-esteem issues, sweetie, that might be best adressed through therapy.
You need to cut that cord for good. No contact whatsoever.
If you get the urge to call him, post here. When he calls you, ignore it and post here instead of picking it up. No matter what happens, do not speak to him.

Every step you take will give you strength.

Now, for myself, when I have something I am trying not to think about, I work out. I love going to the gym and sweating til all I can think about is the pain in my legs, not the pain in my heart. A good workout can do wonders for your emotional well being and self esteem. Maybe you could consider taking up running or another healthy habit, since you say you are concerned about your weight.

Things cannot change unless you FORCE that change, by being strong emotionally and GROWING strong physically.

Please feel free to contact me if you want to chat.

Hugs to you!!!

Meez 3D avatar avatars games

"When I meet a man, I ask myself 'Is t

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