have to see him daily..who else??

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
have to see him daily..who else??
8
Sat, 09-18-2004 - 3:20am
Quick question here: Who out there has ended things with OM yet still has to see him every day?

Does anyone else have to put on a brave and happy face not only for him but also for others around you so they don't suspect anything went on?

How do you do it and does it get easier?

The thing that is hard is that our kids have activities and class together (2 kids each and his two are in the same classes as my 2). AND they like to play together!

Thanks! Don't tell me I'm disgusting for this A because of the kid aspect - I KNOW!!!

Thanks! Lazy

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2004
Sat, 09-18-2004 - 8:07am
I have to see my former "dirty IM/email playmate" every single day, he is a boss in another department where I work. I just try not to remember, but it is still difficult when I have to come eye-to-eye with him, because when I look into his, I melt...still, I have always been physically attracted to him and I guess still am (Stupid, I know!!). It has been two months and it is a little less raw, but there is the odd time when I see him walk by and just want to pick up the closest thing and whip it at him!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2004
Sat, 09-18-2004 - 8:33am

Hey Lazy,


You are not disgusting!!!! We're all here because we made some unhealthy choices, but the only judgment I've been able to make here is that smart, kind, supportive, decent women make mistakes too! That, and the fact that I will never judge a person for something like this again because you just never know their circumstances!


To answer your question, I work in the same building with my OM. You know? I think I need to start referring to him as XOM. Anyway, I don't have to see him EVERY day because we work in different areas but the potential is there and it's very likely I will run into him on the way to the Coke machines, restroom, drinking fountain, parking lot, etc. Just knowing that unnerves me when I am out and about in the building, and I hate putting up that brave face when someone sends me into the room where he works or something. It sucks. It also sucks having to hear people say "___ is such a cool guy!" "___ and his GF are so cute together!"

Love, Lily PG with #1 EDD 11/23 baby
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Sat, 09-18-2004 - 2:11pm
Lily and Mercedes,

Thanks for the advice! Last time I saw XOM (I like writing that!!) he was sitting on a bench with his elbows on his knees - I had to laugh when I read Lily's thought of XOM on the toilet - I had the perfect visual! Too funny!

Ya know - since we are in Europe and people do things differently here, he only seems to wash his hair once a week (actually, he told me that!) and it gets really greasy - and the outfit I see him in on Monday is the same one he will wear all week! I need to think of these and other insulting things about him! I need to see him as not so sexy but as the lazy butt he really is! Neutral is a good thing - I can't hate him. I want to keep this memory locked away somewhere and when I am 85 and laying in bed I can think of my wild adventure and how smart I was in resolving it!

By the way - I had a great time with my husband this evening (we are 6 hours ahead of eastern time) and I had some glimpses into that exciting feeling I've missed having with him for so long!

-lazy

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2004
Sat, 09-18-2004 - 2:25pm
YAY LAZY!

Glad you had a good time with your husband! :) What a great start for you!

Lets work together on neutralizing these guys. Good start with the greasy hair thing! And yes, it does feel good to say XOM.

Love, Lily
Love, Lily PG with #1 EDD 11/23 baby
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004
Sat, 09-18-2004 - 2:40pm
Re: the "neutral" thing -- one of the best quotes I ever heard on this board was this: "The opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference." When you get beyond hate to just not caring anymore, you'll know you've really made it through this thing! :)

You guys are really doing GREAT. Keep it up!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2004
Sat, 09-18-2004 - 2:50pm
Thank you, Katie!

That's an awesome quote! Hate gives the other person too much reign over our emotions, I think. Not to mention it eats away at us. Looking forward to being truly indifferent!

Hope you're having a good weekend!

Love, Lily
Love, Lily PG with #1 EDD 11/23 baby
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2004
Sat, 09-18-2004 - 6:54pm
Wow, some good advice here. I had been deliberately trying to turn my feelings to the negative and found I was getting just as frantic about things.

Neutralize him! Yeah! I need to find some neutral image to cling too....

Someday

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Sun, 09-19-2004 - 4:19am
Neutralizers Unite (hehehe)

Thanks Katie for the quote - indifference!

My goal! Hate takes to much energy. Indifference - is good.

Now, I just need to GET there! Like everything it starts with one step!

Thanks again everyone!

-Lazy