Have some faith in time n yourself

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2010
Have some faith in time n yourself
5
Sun, 06-20-2010 - 7:07pm

Hello all,

Just wanted to send along some words of encouragement...seems to be too quiet. Seems like that or just a lot of pain. Many have broken contact, others are letting NC being dictated by AP. waiting on a call etc...

Please keep in mind that NC or NC regardless of who initiated it. It does not mean when they finally getting around to you u respond. If need be change your number, it was something I regret not doing so sooner.

Now to the nitty gritty. I really am over 6 months NC. I have been on this board everyday since I came here. I have come to respect all the women who came before me and those that have been with me from the start. I really miss the board lately as I have not been able to post much due to a new job. I def still read 2-3 times lately. This board clearly has allowed me to be where I am. This has been a long and arduous path. But time and the board has healed my once fresh wounds. I had to fight something so difficult. I was in such pain. The A seriously affected my health. Oh the choices we make that come to bite us in the booty!!!

Time healed me, NC soothed me. The pain is gone. I no longer pine for him, Stopped doing that so long ago and my A seems like forever ago. I not at indifference....but pretty darn close. You will too, do as we advise and you will soon the fog clear and then move to not constantly feeling thinking of them. Then you even begin to see clearly about everything in ur life. U start to pay your H or kids or anyone that was special to you attention again. You realize the pain after the A was better than being in the A. You realize how little AP ever truly meant to you and they also tell you by their actions how they really felt for you, esp after a D day. then they barely know you....that pain heals too. I used my pain to force me to really let AP go. I used it to motivate me. I felt like i might truly stop breathing most times. Then I realized how well I could breath without him.

I forced myself to believe that this was going end. I forced to believe I could even when I second guessed myself. Next thing I knew the pain subsided. I saw everything for what it was. I started to love me again I was proud of me.

It took time and faith...and of course the board. The healing library is a God send. The women here, wow, amazing. None of us are/were bad people. We just did a bad thing. Forgiving yourself is a must. Forgiving them is soon after. Its for you to let go, not for them. Its so u can truly move on, despite the lies and deceit you may have been told.

If you ever feel the need to contact em, if u r feeling tempted, post here, wait 48 hours, but do not contact them for any reason. NO reason!! Otherwise you will hurt all you worked for. Everyday it gets easier. While I think of him occasionally, no longer daily. He flashes thru and gone just as soon as he came. I am relieved to be rid of him. I thankful I do not have to deal with him.

Please believe you can get thru this, please believe in time. Please stay here and let the most amazing women I know here can get you thru. We are an amzingly group of women who have walked in your shoes, no matter the story, we have a way to help you get thru.

I wish the best to all of you newbies and tweeners, I thank all the vets who have been and continue to be the best support system, special shout out to E-1 and Iddy and Dee and TU, Alice, Jane, Lost...u are seriously appreciated.

Blessings to all,

Luvin

Anyone seen Dee? I miss her putting a smile on my face even when I did not want to. She can write one hell of a amazing post, and you will crack up as you read it. We need her sense of humor around here. Seems like the board is full of much pain as of late....come out wherever u are and just say hey

Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida

Edited 6/20/2010 7:38 pm ET by luvinmeforever10




Edited 6/20/2010 7:40 pm ET by luvinmeforever10
Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2010
Sun, 06-20-2010 - 9:44pm

Thank you Luv for posting this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2010
Sun, 06-20-2010 - 10:13pm

Hi luvin,

Thank you for such wonderful words of encouragement. My xAP has been on my mind A LOT, but it hasn't been painful. Maybe my mind is still processing everything that has happened. Things are getting better for me. It's hard to believe, but it's true. I owe so much to the strong, wise women on this board. Women like you who take the time to talk to those of us who are lost in the fog, and who throw us a rope to pull us out.

That is how I'm feeling today. I'm holding on to that rope and being pulled from the fog. It is a great feeling!! However, I guess I'm still trying to figure out how I got there in the first place.

You, and all my friends on this board, have been live savers to me. THANK YOU!

-Angel

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Mon, 06-21-2010 - 6:20am

Hello, Luv!
That is a wonderful post and I am glad to see all the positive energy shared. Thank you for posting such supportive thoughts!

Sorry I've not been around. I went to Jamaica for a while with my Mom for my Brother's wedding. Got back on Friday at 2am and have not had a moment to myself since then. Mom is still in town and she's one me like a duck on a junebug all of the time. I tried to post on Saturday but IV would crap out on me, very frustrating, and I can only hope as I type this that it will go through! arg. It's 3am here now. Really?! oy. H is having a coughing fit so I came downstairs for a smoke - the only way I get some privacy is getting up in the middle of the night??? wtheck!

Going back to bed now!
I hope I'll have some free time at work later to read/post more. Because, ya know.... work is really is nothin' but facebooking and EAS, am I right?

Cheers,
Dee

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2010
Mon, 06-21-2010 - 8:21am

Great post, Luvin and 100% true. I am at 144 days today, and even though I am not at indifference, it is getting easier and easier to block him out and be present in my real life. It takes time... this board and faith in yourself that you can do it. That was very well put.


Hugs,


Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2010
Tue, 06-22-2010 - 4:58pm

Dee,


Happy you are back and thanks for the update


Jane,


Same for you you both have been missed by the board


Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida