Having a...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Having a...
4
Fri, 06-10-2005 - 12:47pm

hard day - dang it! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Why does this have to be so hard... why the heck would I want to talk to or have ANY connection to someone who OBVIOUSLY doesn't feel a need for communication with me... LET GO OF THE FANTASY!

Sorry - just had to get that out! :p

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2005
In reply to: imanewposter
Fri, 06-10-2005 - 1:23pm
Everything worth having is worth working for....I don't know why it is so hard but this will pass and you will make it through. Each day makes you a little stronger but some are definately harder then others. Here is what I have been thinking about a lot lately. Why do I need this connection so much? What am I getting from him? If I can narrow that down I can look for it in more appropriate places. Just wanted to offer you some support and a <<<>>>!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2005
In reply to: imanewposter
Fri, 06-10-2005 - 1:41pm

jstmekc,

I just wanted to comment that I am not someone that normally goes to a T or really has ever put much stake in them.

I went to a T about 8 years ago (1+ years into my A when I was going through a very hard bump) and she actually shook her head at me and said those same words:

"I just don't understand what you're getting from him"

and sort of threw up her hands and we moved on to more talking. Well, that lasted about 7-8 weeks and I never went back. If she didn't understand that was the core issue she would never be able to help me. After that I have thought about that question on and off for 8+ years. I could never get to the bottom of it.

I just started T again since I was losing it about 1 month ago when I ended it with xMM. I just needed someone I could talk to since no one IRL knew. I also knew I needed to solve the problem... not just remove myself from the current symptom of it.

The new T is helping me to address it. We are now working on a plan for me to figure out what I was receiving from xMM so I can help address those needs myself without looking outside.

I'm not there yet (only a couple weeks in), but I have to tell you I could never have solved this on my own without doing oodles of reading (maybe not even then).

That really seems to be the solution though. Solve the needs of the "little girl" inside of me, address them, and learn new coping skills.

WIP

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
In reply to: imanewposter
Fri, 06-10-2005 - 2:51pm

precisely why all those articles about abandoholics hit home with me... it's like MY reason why and what I was getting from him - and other men in my life. You have to figure out what it is in your personality that is needing this unavailable relationship.

Thanks so much for your reply Jstmekc - I appreciate the support so much! :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2005
In reply to: imanewposter
Sat, 06-11-2005 - 2:49pm
LET GO OF THE FANTASY! I wish I could do that. I tell myself that it is over, it's for the best, he has a new life now and I can get on with mine. Some part of me is still waiting for something???? Why do I still want him to call? Why do I still want to be his friend? There is nothing he could say that would take all of the hurt away. I don't have an answer for you but I certainly do relate to "Why does this have to be so hard?"