Having an affair. Need help!
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Having an affair. Need help!
| Wed, 10-06-2004 - 2:02pm |
Please help me! I am a happily married woman for the past 10 years now. My husband is the perfect husband anyone can have, however, I fell in love with another man and started an affair about 2 months ago. I thought it was only physical attraction at first, but now it has turned into more than that. I love him! He tells me he cares about me, however, I don't believe him. He doesn't show it and he seems insensitive at times. He says just because he doesn't show me he cares about me, doesn't mean he doesn't like me. He is also married and has 2 kids. I want to end the affair, but now I am too deep into it. I can't get him out of my mind, I feel sad all the time. I wish I never met him and never got involved with him, but it happened. Love is something people don't have control over. I want to end the affair, but I know if I do, I will forever be depressed and sad. Please help! I don't know what to do. I cry myself to sleep at night. I know it's not fair for my husband either, because he is a good man. I know what I have done is absolutely wrong, but I never anticipated falling in love with another man.

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Think twice before you give him a letter to end it. Do you know for sure where the letter will go after that? And re-read the content before you hand it over.
Best of luck :-)
Free since 9/04
That preditor is not part of your life he is part of a fantasy world and it is a self distructive fantasy world that will consume you like a cancer, do you think he will really care when your real life is destroyed NOT on bit, because if he had even one little bit of real love or caring for you HE WOULD END IT TO PROTECT YOU.
Read the post below about addictive relationships because that is what your in, you are addicted to the emotional highs and your own brain chemicals, addictions are distructive by there nature and this one will destroy you and your family if you do not start to fight it now.
Harsh but true
Free
You are still caught up in the addiction. That's why you are having physical reactions when you see him. Of course the sex is more exciting when you're with him. It's fantasy! I guarantee, if your lover was in your husband's place, with all the history behind you, you'd be feeling the same way about him. Once the newness fades, everything loses their intensity. You have two choices. One is that you can ride this out and hope, HOPE that your H never finds out about it and it destroys your life with him, which it will if he does find out. Or you can gather up every ounce of strength you have and end this thing with him. Learn from us that have experienced the tornado. It's NOT worth it in the end. Your life as you've known it with your H will end. You will be feeling COMPLETELY different when it does. The sparkle for "Mr. Wonderful" will fade instantly. You'll be ashamed and remorseful and wish you had never taken this path. And this is from someone who never thought she'd feel that way about OM. Believe me, I feel it and then some.
Congratulations on your courage and wisdom in saying it is over.
Good luck with the friend thing, I think your going to learns some hard lessons from the attempt about yourself but also about XMM and his real motivations and attitudes toward you, in short I expect you to learn that he NEVER WAS A REAL FRIEND and that there friendship to keep. But you going to do what your going to do so we will be here when your ready to do what your going to have to if you want to save your marriage from this man.
GOOD LUCK
Free
Congratulatons! Now stick with it! There will be times, even today, where you will second guess it. There will be times when you're mad at your H or bored or feeling depressed or lonely or whatever, and the temptation will be to go right back into it. Give yourself time to ride it out. If I had done that, I never would have gone back. But I'd start feeling discomfort and go back. I never gave myself more than a couple of weeks after ending it, and I tried to end it several times. If I had just ridden out those feelings and concentrated more on my H, I wouldn't be sitting here today separated from him and feeling so horrible about myself. Stay strong, and when you start thinking about being with again, remember that it's just the siren song of your addiction to the feelings that this A gave you. Nothing more. He may try to contact you. Resist. I know you think you can be friends with him, and maye in time you can, who knows, but I wouldn't even go down that path either. Too tempting. It would be like a drug addict keeping a little bag of cocaine in the house. Or an alcoholic stopping into the bar on the way home just to see old friends. If you hang around the barbershop long enough, eventually you'll get a haircut.
Good luck. Stay strong! Don't give in to temptation.
Wow...this phrase made all the sense in the world to me:
((Ironically, I was in IC for many years and was never able to get out of it what I've learned from this board in the past few weeks. ))
I too feel like a slow learner. I felt like what I had was special, but the story is the same. I have saved myself so much time and trouble by reading your posts and the posts of others.
And Posie--you keep right on posting, girl! I saw the discussion about you and PG on the affair support board today (went there for the first time and for some reason read only that thread). I am learning so much from everyone's opinions and viewpoints and experiences and I am months ahead in my thought process from where I would have been otherwise.
LOVE IT!
Made me laugh, well said!!!
m. x
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