Having a hard night/day?
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Having a hard night/day?
| Sun, 07-18-2004 - 8:59pm |
Hi all, I am back..Having a hard night tonight..I was up most of last night and had about 2 hours sleep. My mind is wondering and I think too much. Wondering if XMM is ok? Wondering if he is taking care of himself physically? and basically feeling sorry for myself. Its been 2 mos and it still hurts so much. I feel as if I am stuck emotionally. I have kept myself busy, the days are long and the nights even longer. ALL I do is ask myself questions and wonder why I let this happen. I am angry he lied to me from day one. I wouldnt be hurting if he told me the truth, I would not have given him a 2nd thought had I known.
I force myself to go out, I live in a summer resort town and the summer is the best time to go out and enjoy the ocean and the various decks outside along the ocean. I go and I sulk..I cant move past all this. He is everything everyone said he is..Why did or do I still love him. I fell in love with him before I knew.
My friends and family tell me GO DATE,, I have no interest.Sometimes I feel pathetic..like a lost soul who has lost a man she thought was her best friend.
I am also stressing because my son who is 16, is going with his father and his step-mother on vacation for a week. I know he is 16 and basically takes care of himself, it is the first time he has EVER been away from me from for a week. I won't know what to do with myself.
Hope

Sorry your so blue, but please understand two months is really not that long in the recovery process, factor in the B/S that was pulled on you and it adds extra hurt that is going to take longer to get over, your going to recover at your own pace not that of someone else.
I can tell you as someone a little older that some times we can have a harder time forgiving forgetting letting go and moving on, betrayal at an older age seems to rob you of opportunity to find someone else how will be honest and faithfull to you and I think that just aggravates the pain and anger.
All I can suggest is be prepared to give it what time it takes, were and when possible forgive, not for him but for you, forgivness is as much for the forgiver as the forgiven sometimes more so.
Free
The biggest betrayal to me was when he lied on the fist day I met him, lied about his age, marital status, kids. WHY? Do I look like I have FOOL written on my forehead.
I thought I had good judgement of people at my age, I am 40 and single. I cant even trust my own judgement, its obviously proven me wrong.
AS much as he has hurt me with his lies, and there are many. I fell in love with him and miss his so very much.
Hope
On judgement, I am Good deal older then you and I have not stopped making mistakes, it is human as they say to error, forgive yourself, emotion can cloud judgement in anyone and for women it tends to be a bigger problem then for men I believe, so your most likely NORMAL.
Hope your not going to fall out of love overnight, you spent 2 years investing your feelings in this LIAR, your not going to collect them back up real quick, that is not how women work, it is also the same reason most marriages last it gives hubby time to get his act together.
I would like you to consider that the man you KNEW is dead, he started dieing when you learned the truth and now has passed away, GRIEVE FREELY WITH OUT SHAME OR FEAR,cry do what ever you have to.
You will get past this, I will not say over it, when YOU are ready you will find better men are out there (needless to say single).
Be well
Free