Having a hard time; many emotions

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2009
Having a hard time; many emotions
11
Tue, 04-20-2010 - 2:54pm

I’m on 7 day with NC and am having a hard time today, not necessary with contacting him but with several emotions; hate and sadness and hate and sadness.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2010
Tue, 04-20-2010 - 8:06pm

Dear Life,

It's crazy-making, isn't it? All the mixed-up feelings - the mood swings. The moments of feeling strong swept away by overwhelming feelings of weakness. It's brutal working with an xAP. I take strength and inspiration from all the other women on this board who face this same situation. I have come to embrace fully the notion that time will work it's magic - but not alone. I work hard to reflect on my own inadequacies that made an A seem like a viable option - I am working hard with a T and I remember all those incredible lows that were so low they took my breath away and relegated me to bed in tears. I can't say that I don't have very dark, lonely moments - but they are coming less frequently and release me sooner. It is no where near as hard as the A was.

So - I hear you. I hate him and miss him all at the same time too. Thankfully, I miss myself & my life more - and that's where I am heading. Back to me and them.

TU.

LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2010
Wed, 04-21-2010 - 8:50am

Hi Life-


Here's a big hug. We all know what it's like to be in the early stages of NC. It is exhausting isn't it? It feels like you are constantly being ambushed with emotions and you wonder how you will make it and if you will always feel this way and if it will ever get easier... I know, honey, I know. I can read back through my blog, which I started a few days after I ended my A and I can recall the ups and downs. It is an emotional hurricane and all you can do is bunker down and hang on. I promise... I promise you from the deepest part of my heart that it will get easier. That it will be hard and you will have to do some hard work, but you will come out on the other side. I am not completely out of the storm yet. I am at 83 days NC...but I can tell you that I take solace in those moments of heartache that with each day, it gets easier. And I know, more than I know anything, that I will wake up one day soon and xap will be gone from my heart and mind. I look forward to that day... and leave him farther behind with each step forward.


Hugs,


Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Wed, 04-21-2010 - 10:11am

Life,


Yes, it is very painful when you still have to work with them. It took me over a year before I wasn't obsessing on how the day would go as I drove into work. I remember being totally exhausted when I left work, not from my workload, but from the front I had to put on (and all the protective emotional armor I had to wear each day). One thing you wrote needs to be addressed though:


<<<I said “if I see you I will keep walking and not say hello” he replied with “whatever” as if he didn’t like it so I’m guessing he is pissy with me as well.>>


Why you said anything is my question? Who wouldn't act pissy if someone says what you said? Silence is dignified and heard louder than any words, so try not to set yourself up for snide retorts. You don't have to tell him you'll keep on walking...just do it. Okay?


Other than that, I'm sending you hugs and strength to make it through another 7 days (good for you). It will get easier as more time goes by.


   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2009
Wed, 04-21-2010 - 11:41am

Thank you all so much for the continual encouragement. It has helped me and don’t think I’d make it without this board.


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2009
Wed, 04-21-2010 - 12:45pm

Congrats on your Day 7 NC.

BE the change that you want to see in the world! Life loves me and I love life! <3
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Thu, 04-22-2010 - 8:51am

My dear friend, Gullable, wrote in a post that this is what she did. I thought it was an excellent idea too, and I know it helped her tremendously.

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2009
Thu, 04-22-2010 - 10:18am

Thanks Iddy for telling me it was gullable's idea with the notecards.

BE the change that you want to see in the world! Life loves me and I love life! <3
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2009
Thu, 04-22-2010 - 11:19am

I do like that idea abuot the note cards, lord knows I need something!! I feel so strong yet I really still miss him and seeing him does not help but have stuck to it, today is day 8 for NC/LC!!!!


So the note cards come in when I

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2009
Thu, 04-22-2010 - 12:56pm

I did a search on Gullable now

BE the change that you want to see in the world! Life loves me and I love life! <3
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Thu, 04-22-2010 - 1:44pm

NS,


Thanks for digging around to find this. I took the day off of work and I'm being lazy. ;-) I'm going to

   ~Iddy~ 


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