Having a meltdown..stupid,stupid

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-21-2004
Having a meltdown..stupid,stupid
5
Tue, 09-14-2004 - 10:50am
This is so stupid, stupid. I'm finally getting around to unpacking my suitcase ( we've been here for a week now ) and I'm having an emotional breakdown. Over what?? Clothes none the less. I associate so much of my time with MM with what clothes I was wearing at the time. I'm remembering which outfits made him call me on the phone after he had seen me out in it to let me know it just made him what to rip it off of me. Which items were bought with him specifically in mind, what I wore the last time I saw him....UGH!! At this exact moment it seems more than I can bare. I want to call him ( but I won't) and say: THIS IS WHAT YOU"VE DONE TO ME!!(although, I"ve also done this to myself) and I want to know How is it so easy for him to just not call me? Does he not still think about me? etc....you know the story. I could, and did, just scream!!!

Okay, I feel somewhat better knowing I'll be sending this out to cyberspace to people who've been there, done that. NOw, I'm going to go finish putting my clothes away, shower and then go to the bookstore to buy some of those books to read. I'm then going to go to the YMCA.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2004
Tue, 09-14-2004 - 11:56am
<<>>>

You suffered a "MOMENT". Then, you snapped out of it and made plans for the day. See??

You can do this. You'll have many of these moments....I'm in my 4th month ending and still have a flashback here and there. They're harmless...as long as you don't act upon them. JUST deep breathe through them and then carry on, my dear. It was ONLY a moment, after all ;)

~True~





 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004
Tue, 09-14-2004 - 12:34pm
True is right, it was a "moment." No biggie! Lots of things can be "triggers," and I can understand the clothes thing being a trigger. I am still hanging onto the outfit (bathing suit, actually) from XMMs & my first "encounter," 6 years after the fact -- so you know it's really in style, LOL. I can't quite bring myself to get rid of it, but now it just triggers a fond memory when I look at it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-21-2004
Tue, 09-14-2004 - 1:53pm
Another stupid, stupid feeling. So, I did move 600 miles plus several states away, but everywhere I seem to go reminds me of MM. I happened to move up to his neck of the woods, up where he lived prior to moving to FL. I heard a commercial on my way to lunch with my hubby today that was for a restaraunt he told me about in his suburb of D.C. UGH...I guess I just can't get away from all these "moments." Sooooo....I'm going to have a glass of red wine and then a quick nap before the kids start arriving home, hows that for a plan?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2003
Tue, 09-14-2004 - 4:20pm
You're doing exactly the right thing, (((((Jellybean))))). The thoughts about XMM can't hurt you. Come here, vent them out with us, then go do something for yourself! I know its not easy, and it doesn't feel real good, but by not acting on your thought to call him this time, it'll be that much easier the next time you have the "good idea" to call him. This takes practice. I believe that we need to make a decision to stop acting on our thoughts, and then stop acting on our thoughts. If we respond to our thoughts every time we think we want to have contact with the ex, and just wait and hope that we'll stop having the thoughts, we could be in for a long haul. Practice not acting on your thoughts, and I bet the less contact you have, the less thoughts you'll eventually have. At least, that's been my experience. Good luck, honey! (Hey, look at that lady in the wrinkled clothes...) Love, Mo.

mo 7-18-10

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2004
Tue, 09-14-2004 - 4:30pm
Hi JB. I know exactly what you mean about the clothes. I have not bought a single article of clothing in the last 12 years. w/o thinking about whether he would like it (even stuff he'd never see, like pj's) and worse, every time I got dressed, I'd always do it with the possibility of seeing him. Pretty bad, since I'd see him maybe every 4-8 weeeks!! Now, when I get dressed, I think, I definitely WILL NOT be seeing him today and feel a little sad, hard habit to break.

But I wanted to tell you how brave I think you are. Look at everything you're dealing with AND this on top of it!! Makes me feel like a pathetic whiner next to you-this is the only big thing I currenty have going on in my life and I can barely handle it!! Seriously, I admire you.

P.S. I think your H. wanting you to open up, while generous of him, is not a good idea. He may have gone through it himself and may be understanding but still, he is your husband and I think not the ideal person to discuss your feelings over the break-up with.