Having a really rough morning....

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2004
Having a really rough morning....
8
Sun, 04-11-2004 - 8:56am
Its been one week today of NC and its been really rough the past few days. I ended it last Sunday because I cannot go on like this anymore. I did my pro and con list this week, and of course I had more cons than pros. I realized some things like, he NEVER, in the 3 1/2 yrs took me out. Not even for coffee.

What hurt the most this week is I thought, even though I ended it, and since I thought we were friends, he would of called me to see how my son was. My son had surgery on Friday, hes doing good though, thank God, but not even a call to see how he did. If that was his daughter I would have left him a message or at least emailed, thats the kind of person I am. Today is Easter, not even a note, nothing.

What a kick in the face I feel. Makes me think I never meant anything to him.

Reality really hurts, doesnt it?

Thanks for listening...

Caring

Avatar for shescomeundone2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Sun, 04-11-2004 - 10:21am
It looks like he is showing with his actions how self absorbed he can be. Not taking you out for coffee is one thing, but not inquiring about a boy having surgery is another. Even with NC I think there are some things that you just do.....and asking about the health of a child is one of them.

Stick to your guns. You don't need an Easter Greeting from this man. You don't need a man like that in your life at all.

Jazzdiva

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2004
Sun, 04-11-2004 - 10:56am
Hi - I can relate to your situation . Im happy to hear your sone is doing ok .

Today I will try yet again NC . It is hard , I could not sleep last night about 3:15 am

I decided to make a pro and con list of my own . zero pro - 20 cons

My Om IS aslo very self absorbed - It does hurt even more so me becuase my unhappy marrige doesnt help . I feel so alone - my life is empty .


Hang in there it will get easier that is what I have been told .

Its just so hard- Jersey Girl

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sun, 04-11-2004 - 12:05pm

Isn't your first focus right now yourself and your son's recovery?


xOM spent 3.5 years taking what he wanted from you without any real emotional involvement with you.


As you move forward from here, I suggest you focus on what YOU want from a relationship with anyone, including any single men you choose to establish an above board, no lies or cover stories to be with.


You deserve an honest life.


I sincerely hope the emotional pain you're currently feeling passes quickly as you regain your sense of equilibrium and look forward.


xOM's loss----your devotion.


Your win----emotional freedom.


Avatar for crystal_clr
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 04-11-2004 - 12:26pm
Yes, reality certainly does hurt. Sometimes it hurts so much that its easier to slip back away from reality than to face it - but the thing is the truth will never change, so its better to face it sooner rather than later. Don't kid yourself any longer.

However I can tell you that it won't always hurt - at least not as intensely as it does for you right now. It will get better - especially if you keep complete NC. The best thing for you is that he is keeping his distance right now while you are really raw. Hopefully you will have built up enough strength by the time you do hear from him (and you will) to not answer that phone or email or whatever. It took me a long time to really 'get' that if I never answer (or send) another email from my XOM that our affair would be over. That's all it was going to take, yet up untill now I couldn't really do that. Now I can - finally. You can do it too. Here's what helps - when he does contact you, don't think about how you miss him, think about how when you needed him - he was nowhere. It will give you the strength to realize you don't owe him an answer. I always felt guilty if I was cool towards my XOM, untill I really faced the poison that the affair was injecting into my life. Everytime I spoke with him was like pushing one of my children down a staircase. Seriously, I knew that my affair was hurting so many others, but all I cared about was the obsession of it. You have to really pull yourself together and rise above it.

Anyway, it all has to come from you. No amount of words I say can do it for you. You have to do it for you. Its hard, but only at first and then it gets much, much easier.



iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2004
Sun, 04-11-2004 - 3:57pm
Thanks everyone for your replies. This weekend, with everything that has been going on here, it has really made me realize what I was to him. He has made that perfectly clear. I knew he was self absorbed, but realizing now just how much.

I do know what I want in a man, and its not just coming to my place here and there for his self satisfaction. I do deserve better than that. I guess thats why I ended it.

I just wish my heart would stop hurting. My heads in the right place (so far), but my hearts another story.

Him not contacting at all this weekend has really woken me up. Crystal, what you said about him calling again one day, I dont think so. I think he would have called by now. But I need to work on my strength, just in case. If he called right now, I wouldnt answer, but thats now.

I just wish I could go one day without thinking of him. I know Im not on his mind thats for sure. He doesnt deserve my thoughts.

Caring

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2004
Sun, 04-11-2004 - 4:02pm
Yes, it is really hard. But if we stay strong, we can get through it. They dont deserve us, and they are users. Thats what I keep telling myself.

One day at a time. I read a lot of the posts and the archieves, they really help. It is amazing how many of us get ourselves involved in these situations.

Keep strong and I will...

caring

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004
Sun, 04-11-2004 - 6:10pm
Caring, I can't help but feel your XMM is doing you a huge favor by not contacting you this weekend. It is helping you to wake up and realize he is not good enough for you! Congrats on making it through a week!!! Treat yourself to something special! :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Sun, 04-11-2004 - 6:15pm
HI Careing

Your right it is amazing how many of us get into this situation, but one thing that can come from this in time is the fact that most of us will not accept second best again no more crumbs, we live and we learn and so will you.

Crystal has a high probability of being right about him calling in time,You gave him a swift kick in the EGO by dumping him he may want a rematch.

Add this weekend to your CON list and post it were you can read it often.

Best wishes for your sons recovery.

Be Strong

Free