And I am not sure if it is due to continuing to come to this board only to be frustrated over what I'm reading or not. Tell me, what were your intentions before having an A? Was it about getting YOUR needs met or because you really loved the person you were stepping out with. I am having a really tough time in understanding how anyone says "I fell in love with so and so - oh but my best friend, my W or DH is at home and what a great person she/he is." OY! Does anyone here realize how that sounds? Has anyone thought about their own accountability in this? DOES ANYONE THINK ABOUT TURNING THE LIFE OF THE OW/OM UPSIDE DOWN? Does it somehow make it okay to hurt the OW/OM because otherwise YOU have so much to lose? You see, this is why I have such a difficult time understanding how a MM/MW can sit and talk about really loving anyone but themselves when it comes to having an A. I am angry, so angry at the MM in my life right now. How dare he think it is somehow okay to say and do all the right things until it becomes inconvenient for him to do so? Do any of the MM/MW here have ANY idea of how they hurt the OP in this mix? If you even have a clue, then it shouldn't be difficult at all to make a decision for YOUR life and if the OW/OM made one for theirs and you were hurt because it didn't include you, well then realize it is because you didn't have the gutts to leave a marriage where you are SO UNHAPPY. This is laughable. Love is about respect and honor - communication and trust - and if those things are not present in your marriage, then it is YOUR RESPONSIBLITY to go to your spouse, communicate it and do whatever it takes to fix it, not involve someone else in the mix and hurt them too! I know I share in the responsibility of my A, but I also know that the MM pursued me, he made it clear from the beginning that he DID NOT INTEND to stay married and was merely biding his time until his kids were grown. Where I screwed up was being receptive to any of it! My response should've been, well call me when your kids are grown and you have moved out and are pursuing a divorce! Perhaps we can at least TALK THEN.
I have never seen so much immature behavior on the part of adults, many of which are in the process of raising children, including myself. I have always known what love is and feel that there are very few people who really understand it or care about living up to it because that might mean sacrifice on their part. If marriage isn't about making me happy, then I will just leave it. I know the divorce rate is high in our country and I don't like it. I also don't believe one should leave until they feel they have done everything they can to make things right in the marriage. What I cannot understand or respect is why a person will sit and rot in a marriage that is not going anywhere, the parties involved don't care if they get it right and they reach out to someone else to fill their voids. Talk about anger towards a person when you are in a vulnerable state yourself and you're used to help fill someone's voids that you have NOTHING TO DO WITH!
NEVER AGAIN IN MY LIFETIME - I DON'T CARE IF IT IS THE LAST MAN ON EARTH! I truly hope all of you who are married and struggling have read this post because whether you want to admit it or not and even if your A was strictly about sex (which mine was not), by continuing you are hurting the OP and they don't deserve it, period.
Like I said, I am angry and venting today so I truly hope that none of you take my post personally. I simply needed to vent but would appriciate any explanation for being married and having an A that makes sense.