Having a tough time

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2004
Having a tough time
1
Fri, 06-18-2004 - 2:20pm
So I decided to look up my Junior High crush last September, this guy is a family friend and I knew him for the 2 years we were in Jr. high together, back then he never even knew I existed, so I decided to see if he even remembered me. I emailed him and he responded saying yes he did, etc. He told me that he is married now, but because he got her pregnant twice and being Mormon, basically was forced into doing so. He proceeded to tell me that he is not in love with her, etc. that they do not live together full time as he is in the military and stationed here in my state and she lives in another, so he flies home to see her and the kids on the weekends. We exchange pictures and things progressed from there. He ends up telling me I am his best ever and that he could have married me, I was everything he was looking for, etc. Keep in mind, I am also married and was unhappy in my own marriage, have kids, etc. This guy ends up feeling more for me, than I him at first but after hearing all of this from my Junior High crush, it was like a fantasy come true. Time goes by and he is conflicted because he knows it's morally wrong to continue with me, yet never actually dates me per say. We met up one night (under my suggestion) for dinner and he proceeds to tell me that he could never have a relationship with me because we started off wrong, etc. could never fall in love with me, etc. so he totally contradicts himself. One day he seems to really care and the next it's "Wrong". Needless to say, he is getting out of the military now and has decided to go live full time with his wife and has ended things with me. I obviously was emotionally invested with this man and thought he was with me, now I am completely confused and hurt because now he does not even respond to my emails. It is hard to get him to talk about his emotions as he only tells me them on his own accord (No prodding, pushing, etc.). I guess my question at this point is if I ever meant something to him or if it was all just for sex. I guess I just want to know that I matter to him, that he is hurting and that he may someday regret letting me go since I seemed to be so compatible with him. We truly connected physically, spiritually and I thought emotionally, now I am just completely second guessing everything he ever said. To make matters even worse, my husband and I are moving to the state that this guy lives in and will only be an hour away from him. I cannot simply tell my husband we cannot move there as it would raise ALOT of suspicions. This whole situation just sucks.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Sun, 06-20-2004 - 12:14am
HI

You know it does not really matter what his motivations were concerning you, he has made a decision, all you can do is respect it if you respect him.

There is NO reason he has to know were you are moving to or that you are moving at all tell your gone, this is a oportunity to put this all behind you and work on your own family life like he is doing with his.

Good luck