Having trouble due to impossible NC
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Having trouble due to impossible NC
| Sat, 02-05-2005 - 3:12pm |
It seems like every message on this board ends with how the ONLY way to get out and get over it is through NC. Man I wish I could have NC. I see XMM probably every other day. He's walking by my office, and doesn't come in. I hear the distinct sound of his car go by my window and I can't stop myself looking to see him drive by.
I go to a meeting, and he's there across the table. Sometimes I end up alone in a room with him at work and having to talk about some joint-issue with him. There's just no way around this. I can't have NC with him. Although over the past 6 months I've gotten pretty good at removing myself and my family from his family's social circle, he still comes over to my house once in awhile when my husband is there for some reason or another, and I can't just leave the room - my husband would think it was odd.
It has been so emotionally suffocating to have to see and talk to him all the time and not ever refer to the intimate relationship we once had. Even when we're alone I don't say anything to him about it, but I want to, and I pretty much have to bite my tongue not to. Obviously I'm not over him. I think he might be over me. He's doing a much better job of pretending he doesn't know I'm alive when we're in the same room together unless he's got a real reason to speak to me, and it kills me because we used to be such good friends. And there's a huge part of me that desperately wants that friendship back with him, but I know he won't allow it. I think he doesn't trust himself and is afraid of screwing up his family. I don't blame him. He has his head screwed on straight I suppose...it's ME that's got a screw loose.
Besides venting my emotional frustration, I think I'm looking for some advice on how to get past this when NC isn't an option, especially when deep down I didn't really want it to be over, and when I see him, all I can think about is how happy I was (and how happy he was) during the time that he and I were secretly in love.
I go to a meeting, and he's there across the table. Sometimes I end up alone in a room with him at work and having to talk about some joint-issue with him. There's just no way around this. I can't have NC with him. Although over the past 6 months I've gotten pretty good at removing myself and my family from his family's social circle, he still comes over to my house once in awhile when my husband is there for some reason or another, and I can't just leave the room - my husband would think it was odd.
It has been so emotionally suffocating to have to see and talk to him all the time and not ever refer to the intimate relationship we once had. Even when we're alone I don't say anything to him about it, but I want to, and I pretty much have to bite my tongue not to. Obviously I'm not over him. I think he might be over me. He's doing a much better job of pretending he doesn't know I'm alive when we're in the same room together unless he's got a real reason to speak to me, and it kills me because we used to be such good friends. And there's a huge part of me that desperately wants that friendship back with him, but I know he won't allow it. I think he doesn't trust himself and is afraid of screwing up his family. I don't blame him. He has his head screwed on straight I suppose...it's ME that's got a screw loose.
Besides venting my emotional frustration, I think I'm looking for some advice on how to get past this when NC isn't an option, especially when deep down I didn't really want it to be over, and when I see him, all I can think about is how happy I was (and how happy he was) during the time that he and I were secretly in love.

wow...that must be excruciating.
This post should be read by anyone contemplating an affair with someone at work.
This is also a great example of really not thinking before acting (like we all have probably done...but talk about the consequences..ouch I am sorry you are having to go through this pain).
i dont know how some people get through that...dealing with the aftermath of an affair at work (or those who have with neighbors they have to see etc). I have reminders but i dont have to try and function at work with them or be faced with the person everyday.
I really don't have any answers. Perhaps a counselor could help. Sounds like you most likely own the business or rank high up so that it is probably very hard to contemplate getting another job.
With my personality and mentality...this would drive me insane. Kudos to you for holding it together as well as you have. Seek help if you need it whether it just be advisory or professional counseling.
Wisdom, clarity and a lighter heart to you,
Lizzie
My XMM was someone in my social circle. I had to change my social life in order to not keep running into him. When I think about how my life has changed because of my decision to end this A, thats when I get angry at him. He seems fine, he seems to be going on with his life the way it was before me, and I am the one making the changes and still hurting over this.
Can't imagine your situation whereas you don't even have a choice, short of leaving your job. Knowing me, and if I were in your shoes, I'd end up leaving my job, just like my social circle, because I am too weak to handle seeing him.