Having a weak moment

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2009
Having a weak moment
9
Wed, 01-19-2011 - 9:19am

Hello,

Hopefully you guys remember me :). Having a weak monemt. Gone 14 days NC and feeling pretty good. But today since she has NC me in 3 days I guess I wonder what she's doing. Its what I wanted so shouldnt I be happy? Guess I always want closure but I've already had the "this isnt working convo like 10 times'. I am looking forward to a new year and working on being a better person and husband. Why is break up so hard????

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Wed, 01-19-2011 - 9:50am
I'm confused. Have you had NC for 14 days or 3 days? Did you mean you haven't contacted her in 14, and she hasn't bugged you in 3? Are you reading her txts or emails? If you are, you are breaking contact. So, please clarify this for us.

Break ups are always hard, but putting it into perspective, divorces are a lot harder...wouldn't you agree? Affairs end...not necessarily a break up...but a break out from the darkness of lies and betrayal. It's all in how you look at it.

Enough with the "This isn't working convo" because that is STILL convo, KWIM? Silence is the only surefire way of stating "It's Over!"

Hang in there. The 2nd to 3rd week is always tough but again, I am not sure where you fit into this. Exactly how long has it been with NO CONTACT from both ends?

You can do this, Amex. Look at all of the strong ladies on this board. You don't want them to out shine you, do ya? ;-)
Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2009
Wed, 01-19-2011 - 10:15am

Amex,

Given that you are only a few days NC, I think it's normal to wonder what your XAP is doing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2009
Wed, 01-19-2011 - 10:40am

Iddy,

Thanks for your response. I shall clarify. I havent contacted her in 14 days. We dont email (she HAS to talk on the phone, control freak!). She has texted me some but not in last 3 days. I didnt block her text as didnt feel the need nor know how to. But I can wait til the day when I dont have to hide my phone!

To clarify one other thing. She is a good person. Our breakup hasnt been bad other than she won't let go. She helped me thru some difficult times 2 years ago. I had lost my mother, father, dog, brother-in-law, and godmother over the course of a year and a half. My 5 best friends. My AP was there for me when NO ONE else was including wife, brothers, sisters, family. I was separate and wife was threatening divorce. So AP walked me off the ledge a few times. Somehow feel like I owe her.

However, that was two years ago. The last year has been awful and she has been controlling and manipulative. Not to mention my wife has changed and our marraige is 99% successful.

Please respond if you get a chance. I would welcome your input.

Amexdm

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2009
Wed, 01-19-2011 - 11:19am

CSN,

Thanks so much for your support. I know I am in the early stages but you and EAS have been great. Maybe i should stay. this is truly what i want is to end A and move on. TY.

Amexdm

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
Wed, 01-19-2011 - 11:25am

Hi Amex -

Welcome to EAS, and I hope you do stay. We can help you help yourself.

You are feeling low because you haven't had your "fix" for 3 days now. Even though you haven't contacted her, you've been hearing FROM her and therefore feeling OK. I'm sure she's a good person. But you don't owe her anything. If you want your marriage to continue to be successful, you need to adhere to NC (and that means enough with the texts from her too - contact your cell phone carrier if you can't figure it out online - it's not hard). You had a d-day last year, do you think that your W would tolerate finding out that you are still in contact? Just looking out for you here :)

Bodhi

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Wed, 01-19-2011 - 11:29am

Amex,

Let me tell you a little story. My Xmm was a very giving boss (something I was not used to) before we crossed the line. My daughter, who was only 8 years old when I started working for him, had an

Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2010
Wed, 01-19-2011 - 12:39pm

Hi Amex,

Glad you came back and posted how you were feeling.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2009
Wed, 01-19-2011 - 3:21pm

Iddy,

What you said makes sense. thanks for sharing. I know I have to let go for all the right reasons. I was in the past looking for love and support from my W regarding certain things. But now she gives me those things. SO in a monent of clarity I dont need that support from other people know. I was always afraid in the past that I would have no one to go to if my W was moody. But now I deal w it on my own and it works. Hope to stay here and learn!

M

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2010
Fri, 01-21-2011 - 10:45am
I am sorry that you are feeling the way you do. While she may have been a good person, you owe her nothing. Nothing. Try to be thankful you never had a DDay. The only person you owe anything to is your W and family. Her being controlling and manipulative are not good things. Her not accepting that it is over is not good. You should block her. It ss mean and cruel but it's the only way...and it's not you mean. It's a gift, you have to stop talking to her. It only causes you both harm. No contact means NC. Doesnt matter if you initiate it or not. The fact your still communicating keeps her hope up. And look what happens when you do not hear from her, now you are wondering about her...do u not see why NC has to be...it has too...she figures if she disappears for a while, you will wonder about her and then contact her...this is all about games. Block her and really let go. Then you won't have to worry about your phone...or a likely Dday...
You said things are good with your M. That's where your focus needs to be.

We don't owe anyone anything that we engage in A's with....it's a filthy lie, built on a sinking foundation, and the only thing we can do to redeem ourselves as much as possible is let them go so all the parties can heal and move on...and in your instance that you never have a Dday
Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida