He called, need support.. pls
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He called, need support.. pls
| Thu, 01-06-2005 - 2:13am |
Hi..
About 15 mins back, my daughter called out and said it was my phone, when I asked who it was she said the name of my xOM. I called her to me and quietly told her to say I was out. She did the same. Then ofcourse I explained to her that yes he was my friend at one time but was a very childish person, who lied a lot etc etc and so I did not really feel like associating with him anymore. My daughter accepted it. Both my kids knew xOM and so did husband. They just thought he was my friend thats all.
I feel sooooo woried now that he is going to try to make contact again.. I have told my daughter to make any excuse she can but not to say I was home.
I feel good about the NC, I was tempted yes, to take the call, but that would have set me back a million paces, and I have made such good progress over the past 3 weeks.. I just did NOT want to regress. Please someone talk to me, I am feeling sooo insecure suddenly. Slightly guilty too, because my feelings are still there for him. Thats what scares me.. But yes i do feel good about not talking to him. So am going to be really strong.
Thanks for reading and listening
Hugs
Trish
About 15 mins back, my daughter called out and said it was my phone, when I asked who it was she said the name of my xOM. I called her to me and quietly told her to say I was out. She did the same. Then ofcourse I explained to her that yes he was my friend at one time but was a very childish person, who lied a lot etc etc and so I did not really feel like associating with him anymore. My daughter accepted it. Both my kids knew xOM and so did husband. They just thought he was my friend thats all.
I feel sooooo woried now that he is going to try to make contact again.. I have told my daughter to make any excuse she can but not to say I was home.
I feel good about the NC, I was tempted yes, to take the call, but that would have set me back a million paces, and I have made such good progress over the past 3 weeks.. I just did NOT want to regress. Please someone talk to me, I am feeling sooo insecure suddenly. Slightly guilty too, because my feelings are still there for him. Thats what scares me.. But yes i do feel good about not talking to him. So am going to be really strong.
Thanks for reading and listening
Hugs
Trish

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Hiya Mtn,
<<>>
Oh, Mtn...*shakes head & sighes heavily* I am not in pain, Trish is no pseudo-father-figure upon whom to project years dead childhood issues. Nor am I for that matter fighting any great battles, save one in an online game of which I'm particularly fond.
When you really need or want to do so, it's remarkably easy to write off someone's statements as coming from a place of pain or anger or bitterness when what you are reading is fervor and/or assertion.
While I feel deep *concern* for Trish's children and have stated my concern assertively, there's actually nothing more than that. I freely accept that Trish will make the best parenting decisions she is capable of making and we'll all go about our respective business. Another beautiful day, hopefully as bright & shiny as this one has been thus far.
I do understand your need to connect with Trish, and I've said little different from that which you've said yourself. On that basis, should I then extrapolate that you are in pain and fighting a difficult battle to reclaim your life?
My point here is that we each have experience with dealing with damaged children within our respective fields and we are both able to be objective about it. I guess if the British Crown Prosecution Service deems me "over" my own less than stellar childhood sufficiently to be working closely with both damaged children and adults, you might infer I have a clean bill of mental health.
I do appreciate your validation of the very same points I've made to Trish myself throughout several posts. Perhaps she can "hear" you where she cannot hear me. Let's hope so.
Wishing you strength & peace,
Posie
Posie, I am truly sorry if my comments were offensive to you. It seems that in an effort to defuse the conflict in this thread, I have lit another fuse!
It was your comments about defecating on one's own doorstep and the loaded-gun-to-the- daughter's-head analogy that led me to believe you were still in pain over the issue; I read these as "fightin' words", not simply fervor or assertion. You have corrected me. In any case, it appeared that your fervor put Trish off and thereby negated the value of your comments, and I only wished to reiterate and support your underlying message.
We all know that the emotional fallout from affairs leads to extremes - from feelings of helplessness to rage. We have all seen those extremes expressed on this board, and need to remember that we are here to support each other even if our views or verbal styles differ.
I apologize if I went too far by expressing my opinion about where your words were coming from. It was not my intent to offend or invalidate you in any way, and I am happy to hear that you are NOT in pain!
Wishing you love and light in this new year-
-mtnsweetehart-
Hiya Mtn,
No apology since none is warranted, and certainly no fuse lit since there was none to ignite lol.
I agree that there are varying stages of the emotional fallout from affairs displayed on this support board and other boards (support or otherwise) on which I also regularly post.
I'm of the opinion that support comes in many different guises and the cyber-huggy-there-there-me-too style has every bit as much merit as the straight-talking style of telling someone flat-out their arse looks big in that outfit. Suffice it to say that I'm not much of a cyber-hugger...
Let's just hope, again, that somewhere between our posting styles someone may "hear" us and learn something.
Wishing you strength & peace,
Posie
<>
Yes Mtn this is what really hurt me because I know very very well that i have made the mistake of going into this affair in the first place. The word "defecating" was uncalled for. I do not like using foul words and when someone uses them on me i get totally put off. Putting it this way made me totally freak specially when I am vulnerable right now and only 3 weeks into the break up. Not asking for sympathy but just stating a fact. I honestly looked up to Posie because frankly it was her short suggestion email that i sent finaly. Which i have not regretted to this day. So when this came up I was very surprised and got totally self defensive, specially because it came to my daughter and I for one am very very dedicated to my kids. I do realise that it was wrong to ask her to cover but on the spur of the moment in a situation like that I reacted, and put it to the board ... not expecting a reaction like this from Posie. And that made me think definitely Posie is still in pain, just like you thought MTN. I took them as fighting words too,and since they were aimed at me, i obviously reacted, i am not a hypocrite..
Yes for those on the board who said Posie is trying to help, I agree... she is in her own way, I know now that she puts the point across in different way from others. And next time, if i post, will take it with a pinch of salt.
For those who have supported me by giving straight short advice thank u very much.. I appreciated it..
So now , the point is made, I am ok , my daughter will be fine, trust my parental judgement on that one, everyone can calm down. I will send the short mail and thats it.
Trish
Hiya Trish,
Since you responded to me about Mtnsweetheart's post, I can do no better than to cut'n'paste three paragraphs from Mtnsweetheart's original post to you which you appear to have overlooked in discussing my posting style...
<<-You are teaching her that lying casually is OK/normal, thereby stealing both her integrity and her innocence.
-You are teaching her that it is OK/normal to use deceit and manipulation in relationships.
-You are teaching her that it is OK/normal to avoid the responsibility of dealing with problems in relationships, even if it means hiding behind a child.
-You are putting her in the middle of an unhealthy situation that is YOUR responsibility. She may not know that he was your affair partner, but trust me, she is almost certainly picking up on the subtext. Children have highly developed emotional radar for things that aren't quite right in the emotional lives of their families.>>> ~Mtnsweetheart~
<<>> ~Mtnsweetheart~
<<>> ~Mtnsweetheart~
Wishing you strength & peace,
Posie
Posie -- drop it. Quit while you're ahead -- and while I still have some respect for your views.
Ok Posie.. anything else u want to say? Or cut paste? This seems to be a battle of all the old lurkers on the board and i have been put into the midst of it... she said, i said... why do you guys not quit?
i needed support about my affair, i will only listen to that advice..
Since the past 2 days all i am getting is this.. how to bring up my child..and i am missing xOM more and more.
I will look on another board that does not mix issues so drastically.
Thanks for the support everyone gave me so far it is appreciated
Trish
Bella,
I've actually finished posting to this thread having said all I felt I'd needed to say.
To be frank, when there's a child's future at stake, I could give a rat's patootie how someone's opinion of me might shift from one extreme to another.
Wishing you strength & peace,
Posie
Hiya Trish,
Nope, I'm doner than a done thing served well done with lashings of done on top coupled with a side of done.
My strongest hope is that you find the support you need be it here, on another board or boards as well as in counselling. Good luck, Trish.
Wishing you strength & peace,
Posie
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